


Consequences

by CatelynStark956



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28053498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatelynStark956/pseuds/CatelynStark956
Summary: Catelyn and Ned decided to walk different ways after their relationship of three years, for good reasons. Ever since that Catelyn have kept a secret from him. When she one day, ten years later, decides that she should tell him they meet for the first time since the breakup. It takes them no time at all to fall back into old habits. The problem is that Ned is married, and that Catelyn is still keeping that damn secret. The only thing they can be sure of is that actions have consequences.
Relationships: Ashara Dayne/Ned Stark, Catelyn Stark/Ned Stark
Comments: 24
Kudos: 31





	1. Unexpected visits

She looked up at the house, felt her heart beating hard and fast in her chest. It was a stupid idea. A terrible idea. So many years had passed, but she had to talk to him, had to see him. Because in those ten years that it had been since they had broken up she had thought of him every single day. Every time she looked at her son she thought of his father. Not that the boy knew who his father was, she had never told anyone. Not even the father in question. 

Catelyn took one last deep breath, then she stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. She walked towards the frontdoor of the house, never taking her eyes of it. If she hesitated for even a second she wouldn’t be able to do it. 

The door flew open before she reached it and she froze for a second when a child ran out. The boy also stopped when he saw her. He looked to be a few years younger than Robb. 

“Who are you?” he asked and looked at her with big, surprised eyes. 

She had to be at the wrong house. 

“Uhm, my name is Catelyn. I’m looking for Eddard Stark, do you know where he lives?”

The boy looked at her for a moment. 

“That’s my dad.”

Well, that certainly complicated things. Ned had at least one child. And probably a wife too. He had done what she had never been able to do. He was living a happy family life. But he also didn’t know. He didn’t know about the wonderful little boy who sat in her brother’s kitchen and did his homework. Robb. 

“Jon! Who are you talking to?” 

A woman appeared in the doorway. She looked at Catelyn very suspiciously. Catelyn couldn’t blame her, if a stranger had stood in her garden and talked to her son she would have been worried too. 

“My name is Catelyn Tully” Catelyn introduced herself. “I’m looking for Ned Stark, is he home?”

The woman was quiet, just watching Catelyn with her lips pressed together. Catelyn wanted to turn around, get back in her car, and get away from there. What had led her to doing what she was doing? Was she going mad? They had done so well for so long, why had she decided to ruin it? 

The woman turned around and talked to someone, then she turned back and a person came up behind her. And Catelyn’s heart stopped beating. His hair was graying and he had a beard, but it definitely was him. 

“Catelyn!” he exclaimed. 

She managed to find her voice, couldn’t hold back a smile. 

“Hello, Ned.”

“I didn’t know you were coming here, but it’s nice seeing you again.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while. I’m sorry for showing up unannounced, that was terribly rude of me, but...” she began. 

Ned’s wife interrupted her.

“How do you know each other?”

“Oh, we were friends long ago” Ned said.

They almost got married long ago, but it wasn’t necessary to tell her that.

“Some ten years ago” Catelyn added. “I just came here to–“

No. She couldn’t. She could not ask him to talk with her in private about it. Not after seeing him like that. He stood there with his wife and his son, the son he knew he had. He had a good home, a family. She couldn’t ruin that by telling him that he had another son. That wouldn’t do any good for anyone. It was better if he didn’t know. It was better if she kept that to herself.

“You know what? Forget it, it was nothing. I’m sorry for wasting your time, I’m going to leave now.”

She turned around and began walking back to her car, blushing furiously. She was so stupid. So terribly stupid. What had she been thinking of?

“What?” Ned called out. 

She turned around, forced herself to smile again.

“It’s nothing, really. Just forget I was ever here.”

~*~

It had been a week since Catelyn came there, and Ned had been thinking about it constantly ever since. She had very clearly wanted to say something. He had no idea about what it was, but the thought of never knowing was slowly killing him. She had showed up without a warning, asked for him and then just told him to forget about it. And she had been every bit as lovely as she had been ten years earlier. 

Her red hair, and blue eyes, the way she blushed when she got upset. And her smile. Nothing had ever been more beautiful than Catelyn when she smiled. 

That was what he was thinking of when he walked up the stairs to the apartment where she lived. He had to ask her about it, what she had wanted to say. His wife had not been very happy about it, but he had promised her that it was nothing. He just had to talk to Catelyn. 

And suddenly he walked right into someone. The person fell backwards with a shout, dropping the plastic bag they had been holding in one hand.

“Ow! Fuck!” Catelyn swore. “Watch where you’re going!”

“I’m so sorry!” Ned said, horrified. 

Only then she seemed to realize that it was him. 

“Oh, Ned” she said as she got up and picked up the plastic bag. “What are you doing here?”

Excellent question, what was he doing there?

“Well, I know you told me to forget about it, but I couldn’t. I was just wondering what it was you wanted to say.”

Catelyn chuckled, looking down at the floor. Her long hair fell forward, partly hiding her face. Still he could see the blush that creeped up on her cheeks. And despite all the years that had passed he still felt that nervous sensation when he saw her smile. 

“That was quite weird, wasn’t it?” she almost whispered. 

“A bit, yeah.”

She looked up at him again. 

“Uhm, we could go up to my place. Better than just standing here in the stairwell” she suggested.

“That would be very nice” Ned replied. 

“Great, I just need to take out the trash. But it’s the next floor, the apartment to the right. I’ll be with you in a moment.”

Then she disappeared down the stairs. He had to just stand there for a moment before continuing his way up. Seeing her again, he had not imagined it would feel that way. It felt like the first time they met, not like when they had walked separate ways. 

He continued up to the next floor, but decided to wait outside for her. It felt weird to just walk inside. No matter what happened in their past, there had been ten years since they met, they were essentially strangers with a past. He barely knew anything about her, apart from that she lived alone with her son. 

For a moment he couldn’t help but wonder why. Anyone would be lucky to be with her. 

“The door isn’t locked, just go inside.”

He flinched and turned towards her. She laughed and walked past him, opening the door.

“Still always lost in your own thoughts?” she said. 

“I guess.”

He followed her into the apartment. It was a bit messy, but still very homely. There were shoes everywhere in the hall. He remembered that it had been that way when she was young too. She had excused it with that she had more important things to do. He wondered if her excuse had changed or if it still was the same. 

“I’m sorry about the mess. We’re not very good at cleaning” she said. 

“Just like it’s always been.”

“Some things just doesn’t change, I guess. Do you want coffee? Oh, wait, why am I even asking, you don’t drink coffee. Do you want tea?”

She still remembered. 

“No, thank you, I’m good.”

“Are you sure? I have a lot of it, my son, Robb, barely drinks anything else.”

She lit up when she mentioned her son, it was very sweet. 

“He’s with a friend right now. He’s very social, he hates being alone” she said. “Well, now I’m just rambling, I’m sorry. I’m a bit nervous, I suppose.”

“Don’t be” he smiled. 

“Let’s just go inside.”

Catelyn led him into a small living room and sat down on the couch. He sat in an armchair, and tried to not look around too much. He didn’t want to be nosey. 

“Look, I’m sorry about last week, I don’t know what I was thinking of” Catelyn said. 

“It’s fine, you know, you haven’t actually done anything.”

She was quiet, thinking. She chewed on her lip, another habit that she apparently still had. When they were together he had always found it very endearing. And he found that he still did.

What the hell was he doing? He had a wife, a son. And he loved them with all his heart. He knew he did. So why was he in Catelyn’s home finding everything she did so perfect? Why did it feel like there had not been ten years since they last saw each other. It was like no time had passed at all, like nothing had changed. But everything had changed. 

“No, I was going to tell you something. I decided not to, because I realized that it would do no good for anyone.”

Ned waited for a moment, to see if she would say something more, but she stayed quiet.

“I would really like to know. Clearly, it was important to you.”

Catelyn sighed. 

“It is important to me. But it’s better if you don’t know, really. It’s better if no one knows.”

~*~

“You can tell me anything, Cat” Ned said softly. “You know that.”

It is surprisingly easy to fall back into old habits, Catelyn had become aware of that in the five minutes it had been since she ran into Ned in the stairwell. Apparently he was falling into old habits too. And hearing him call her ‘Cat’ made her all warm. And his voice when he had said it, when he had told her that she could tell him anything. Like they had never broken up. And when he sat there in front of her she found it very hard to remember why they had broken up.

A part of her still loved him, a part of her always would. She wanted him to be happy. And he would not be happy if she told him he was the father of her son and ruined his marriage. She had nothing to lose, it was just her and Robb. But he had things to lose. 

“Not this. I can’t tell you this.”

She could feel tears rising in her eyes. She couldn’t cry, it was such a bad time to cry. She hid her face in her hands, breathed deeply. 

“I want to know what is troubling you. I want to help you.”

Suddenly she felt his arms around her and she leaned against him almost on instinct. Ten years had passed, so many things had happened, but in a way things between them had never changed. 

They sat like that in silence for a few minutes. What were they doing? He was married. But still she couldn’t bring herself to move away from him. The safety of his arms was a comfort she had wanted for so long. And when she finally had it, she never wanted to let it go. 

But eventually she moved away from him, gathering herself. 

“I’m sorry about that, it’s a lot right now, I’m a bit emotional.”

“Please don’t apologize” he said, putting one hand on top of hers. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I don’t know what I’m doing. Contacting you was the stupidest thing I have ever done. Everything would have been better if I had just continued like I have done for the past years. You should go and forget this ever happened. You’ll be better off if you do.”

She turned away from him and pulled away her hand. If whatever they were doing continued she would ruin his life. And she didn’t want to do that. She desperately wanted him to be happy. What was wrong with her, why had she not been able to move on when he had done it perfectly?

“I don’t want to lose you again” he said. “I care about you. A lot. And I don’t believe I will be better off without you.”

She had to laugh. But even she could hear that it was bitter. 

That had been the reason exactly for why she had not gone to him earlier. She knew none of them would be able to step away. But she had to do it. For him. 

“You will be, trust me. If you know what’s good for you, you should leave now. Go home to your wife, to your son. Care about them, live your life, forget about me. I’m doing fine, I promise.”

“Both you and I know I won’t be able to let you leave again. I just got you back. We can be friends.”

The despair in his voice was enough to break her in the middle. But he knew just as well as she did that they would never be able to be just friends. It was everything or nothing at all, as it had always been for them. And nothing at all was the only possible option. 

She turned to look at him. 

“You know we can’t. We won’t be able to do that. Just this week we have proven that staying away from each other is something we’re not good at. I thought that after ten years I would be fine, but still I came crawling back to you. And now you’re here.”

He sighed, looking down at the floor. 

“You’re right. I want to kiss you so badly right now.”

And she wanted to kiss him so badly that she couldn’t put words to it. But she couldn’t do that. She was an awful person for even considering it, but she would be even worse if she actually did it. 

“You’re married” she managed to force out, in a last, desperate, attempt to not let it happen.

But somewhere deep down they both knew that it was inevitable. 

“I know” he said.

Fuck it. 

“Kiss me.”

He did kiss her. For a moment she was just still, processing that she was actually kissing him again after so many years. Then she pressed herself against him, tried to come as close as she possibly could. She felt her tongue slide along her bottom lip and she eagerly opened her mouth for him.

All the thoughts of his wife and his two sons, both the one he knew of and the one he didn’t, were gone. It was just them. 

Catelyn had never believed that she would be the kind of person to have sex with someone she knew was married. But apparently she was. But it wasn’t just “someone”, it was Ned. And Ned would always be hers, as she would always be his. Despite all the consequences. 

When she fell back on the bed, trying to regain her breath, it all came rushing over her. She had so many questions spinning around in her head.

“Oh my gods, what have we done?” she breathed, not looking at Ned. 

“Exactly what we both knew we would do. It would have happened sooner or later anyway. It always does.”

“It always does” she repeated, knowing it to be true. “We’re terrible, aren’t we?”

“More or less.”

It had been a lot better two minutes earlier. She had not been thinking, all that had existed had been pleasure of having him back in her arms. He had still remembered all the tricks and ways to make her come completely undone in a way no one else had ever managed to do. She had tried dating a couple of times, but it had always been for nothing, because no one could match what he could do. 

“Your wife, what’s her name?” she asked.

“Ashara.”

“I feel sorry for her. Why did you marry her?”

“I thought you and I were over. But we’ll probably never be.”

“We can be. This can be a onetime thing” she tried. “You can go home to her and we’ll pretend this never happened.”

Ned snorted.

“We both know that won’t happen. We’re weak, Cat.”

“Do you love her?”

“I think so.”

“Then why are you here with me?”

“Because I love you as well.”

It would be better if she didn’t say it. And everything in her screamed at her not to say it. But still she did it. Because, as Ned had put it, she was weak. 

“I love you too. But we can’t continue this.”

“No, we cannot.”

“But we will, won’t we?” she sighed.

She didn’t want to be his mistress. But she knew herself, she knew that she would happily keep on seeing him in secret as long as that meant that she could see him. She was pathetic. And she loved him. 

“Most likely.”

She pushed herself up on one elbow so that she could kiss him. It was a much softer kiss than before, it spoke of different things. 

“I’m sorry” she mumbled when she broke away. “I’m sorry for doing this to you.”

“I think this is on both of us” he said.

That brought a smile to her face, but she didn’t know exactly why.

“The difference is that I don’t have anything to lose. I don’t have a husband, it’s just me and my son. You do have something to lose, you have your wife.”

“I know.”

He got up from the bed, started gathering his clothes from the floor. She laid there, watched him while he dressed so that he could go home to his wife. No matter how much she disliked it she would always be the other woman, the affair. Ashara would be his first, she would always go first. Catelyn had to be happy with being second. 

“When will I see you next time?” he asked.

“You shouldn’t be asking for a ‘next time’” she reminded him. 

“I shouldn’t be having sex with you either, but here I am.”

“Shouldn’t we at least try not to?” Catelyn asked. 

“We should.”

“So no next time.”

“No next time.”

His eyes met hers just before leaving the bedroom. And if they hadn’t been sure of that there would definitely be a “next time” before, they were in that moment.

“Goodbye, Cat” he said, despite that. “Take care of yourself.”

“Goodbye, Ned.”

Catelyn had never been more confused, but at the same time sure of what she wanted. She was happy to have Ned back in her life, and sad because they weren’t able to be together as they had been before. She felt bad for Ashara and the boy, Jon, while at the same not caring at all about them. All she knew was that she loved Ned. Like the absolute idiot that she was.


	2. The difference between right and what the heart desires

“Mom!” Robb called from the kitchen.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Did you have a guest here?”

Catelyn froze. What exactly had Ned forgotten? Whatever it was she would have to return it, and that wouldn’t exactly work with his wife. That goddamn wife. Catelyn knew she and Ned shared the blame for what had happened, Ashara was just the victim, but still she felt annoyed by her. She knew that she was terrible for it, she had stolen Ashara’s husband and did only feel a little bad about it. The thing was that things would have been so much easier if Ashara had not been there. She was in the way.

”Yes, why?”

Robb came into the living room with a piece of paper in one hand. He came over to the couch, sat down next to her and handed it to her. There was a phone number on it, and a short note. How had she not seen that earlier?

_I know what we said, but if you change your mind... you just need to call_

_Love, N_

“What does it mean, Mom?”

Damn him. Tempting her. Teasing her. Dangling the carrot right in front of her nose and begging her to take it. He wanted it, but he needed her to make the next move. Was it to make him feel better about cheating on his wife? Did he think he would have no blame in doing it again if it was she that contacted him?

She hated herself a bit for wanting to. She hated herself for that she immediately thought of sending him a message. Why couldn’t she let him go? Why was she so sure of that he would be in her bed again before the end of the coming week? And in that moment she decided that she wouldn’t. He was the one cheating on his wife, if he decided that he wanted it to continue he would have to make the move.

But she wanted it. She craved it so badly that she thought her heart would stop if she couldn’t see him again. But it was better if she didn’t. A lot better. So she wouldn’t. Not in the near future, at least.

“It’s nothing.”

“Who’s ‘N’?” Robb asked curiously.

She watched him, raised a hand to his cheek. She wanted to say so many things to her poor little son who had grown up without his father. And had now found something from him. He had held a not written by his father. But he would never know that.

“It’s my friend. It’s a joke” Catelyn told him and ruffled his hair.

“I don’t get it” Robb said puzzled and smoothed out his hair.

“You don’t need to.”

She paused for a moment and looked down at the note, written in the familiar handwriting. When they had been together all those years ago he had left little notes for her all the time. She wondered if he had remembered that when he had written down his number and left it in her kitchen. She hoped he had.

“I’m just going to to throw this away, be right back.”

She walked with determined steps towards the kitchen, opened the trash can, and... did not throw away the piece of paper. She looked at it, let her eyes follow the neat letter that was Ned’s handwriting. She wouldn’t call him. She wouldn’t. Never. Absolutely not. But she could keep the note. It was the only thing she had from him. Except for Robb. But he didn’t know that he had given her that. And if she continued seeing him she would have to tell him eventually, and she couldn’t do that. She just couldn’t.

She shoved the note into a pocket and walked back into the living room where Robb waited.

“Have you done your homework for Monday?”

He sighed dramatically.

“Yes, why do you keep asking?”

She smiled and sat next to him again.

“Just to be sure. So can you tell me everything about the first King of Winter?”

~*~

“Hi, honey, how did it go?” Ashara smiled when he came inside.

What was he supposed to say? “Ah, yes, it went very well, I got back into bed with my ex from ten years ago”? His relationship with Catelyn had always been complicated and would probably always be complicated. There was no idea in trying to explain it to someone other than Catelyn, they wouldn’t understand. In the moment, when she had sat there and told him to kiss her, it had seemed like the only reasonable thing to do. He knew it was not. But even as he looked upon Ashara, he couldn’t regret it.

“Not very well. She wouldn’t talk about it, and she was acting strange. She definitely won’t come back, I honestly don’t know what she was doing” he said.

He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. Felt a bit of disappointment over that it was not Catelyn’s head leaning against his chest. He had wanted to stay with her longer, but he had already been there for too long.

He loved Ashara. That wasn’t a lie, it was true. Or at least it had been true before Catelyn. No one would ever be able to compare to her. His Cat.

“Was she weird ten years ago too?” Ashara asked.

It was meant as a joke. Something to lighten the mood. But still Ned couldn’t quite take it as one. How could she say such a thing about Catelyn? She didn’t even know her!

“No. She wasn’t” Ned said shortly and pulled away from his wife so that he could take off his shoes.

Because that was what she was. His wife. He had been with her much longer than he had been with Catelyn. They had a son. The brightest boy in the world. He had been very happy with Ashara for years. Then Catelyn had came back and turned his world upside down, suddenly he didn’t know anymore. And he couldn’t even be angry about it, because it was the best thing that had happened in a long time. He had missed her, even if he had not admitted it to himself.

“She wasn’t just a friend, was she?”

She didn’t sound angry, or accusing. Just curious.

“She was a friend, that’s all.”

It would be better if she didn’t ask questions. It would spare a lot of feelings for both of them.

“It’s okay, you know. You don’t have to lie about that.”

Maybe she would stop asking if he admitted to that.

“Fine. How did you know?”

Ashara smiled and rolled her eyes.

“You’re so oblivious!”

She stepped close to him again and laid her arms around his neck. Without thinking of it he pulled her close again. His wife. He did love her. He did.

It had been sweet, so very sweet to be with her again. But he agreed with her. it would be better if they kept it a one time thing. Perhaps they would be able to do it that time. If they just tried hard enough. He loved Catelyn, he always would. And he didn’t want to let her go, he wanted to hold her close to him forever. He wanted to look at her smile until time stopped. But they couldn’t see each other, it wasn’t good. It had to be a one time thing. And he decided it would be. No matter if she messaged him, it was over.

“Women can tell those things” Ashara whispered. “The way she smiled when she saw you, it was obvious. I wonder what she wanted.”

“So do I.”

“I love you.”

He loved her back. At least he thought so.

“I love you too” Ned said.

Catelyn had said that too, that she loved him. But her voice hadn’t been as soft as Ashara’s. She hadn’t sounded happy about it. Well, she had no reason to be. Nothing good would ever come out of their love. And why was he telling Ashara he loved her when he actually wasn’t sure?

~*~

“So, what’s happening?” Cersei asked and raised her coffee to her lips.

It was barely coffee, if Catelyn was going to be honest. More cream and sugar than anything else. Catelyn drank her coffee black, as she always did. She could feel herself get nauseous just from looking at Cersei’s monstrosity.

“Too much” she replied. “I’m in a bit of a crisis.”

“And what does that mean?” Cersei smiled.

Catelyn paused for a moment, unsure of if she could tell Cersei or not. But she had to talk about it to someone, she was going mad. She didn’t have to tell Cersei everything, just a bit. Just something.

Catelyn leaned a bit over the table and lowered her voice a bit so that no one would hear her. Not that she believed anyone wanted to listen to her, but she wouldn’t say that loudly in a public cafe.

“It means that yesterday I had sex with a married man.”

Cersei practically spat cream all over the table. She just stared at Catelyn for a moment, then she started laughing. And Catelyn had never felt worse.

“I didn’t think you had it in you!”

“I don’t, it was very stupid. And I won’t do it again.”

“Was he any good?” her friend giggled. “Because if he was you should go for it.”

“What? No! Did you even hear what I said? He’s married.”

“Yeah, but how good can his marriage be if he comes to you?”

That made Catelyn stop for a second. They had not talked much about it, except for the fact that he was married. And that his wife’s name was Ashara. She had asked him if he loved his wife, he had told her that he thought he did. What did that mean? Was he unsure? Was his marriage already going downhill without her help? How much did he want to be with Ashara when he wanted to be with her too?

“It was great” she sighed. “But not worth it.”

She thought of the note on her bedside table. She had looked at it for so long the night before that she remembered the number on it. She had wanted to send him a message, had even typed in the number and began writing her message, only to delete it. He was with his wife, she couldn’t risk anything. And it wasn’t the right thing to do, they were supposed to keep away from one another.

“In what way is it not worth it?” Cersei asked.

She wanted to explain how it was a bit like drugs. If she kept on taking it, she wouldn’t be able to stop. But she couldn’t do that, because Cersei didn’t know that it was Ned. For all she knew it could be some random guy Catelyn had met once.

“I don’t want to be someone’s mistress. If I’m going to be with a man I want to have have all of him, not just a little bit.”

That would be torture if she continued to see him. She would always be reminded of that she could only steal him away for an hour here and there, but she would never have all of him.

“Someone needs to explain casual sex to you, gods” Cersei said rolled her eyes. “It’s good, you should try it.”

“I don’t have time. I have my son, and my job. And if I’m going to make time for it, then I don’t want it to be with someone who’s married.”

Well, she did want it to be with someone who was married. She wanted it to be Ned. But she didn’t want it to be casual sex either. Why did everything have to be so complicated and confusing? Why couldn’t she just be in love with someone else, like a normal person?

“But it was great, you said it yourself. You should keep doing it until you find something better.”

The thing was that she would never found anything better. Nothing was better. She had found the only thing she wanted and she couldn’t have it and it was driving her mad.

“There is nothing better.”

Cersei just shook her head, but then her eyes grew wide.

“It’s Ned, isn’t it?” she asked. “You’re seeing Ned again.”

There was no use in denying it, was it?

“I’m not ‘seeing’ him. We met once.”

“And you fucked.”

“Yes. But it means nothing. And you need to promise not to tell anyone.”

That was more or less a complete lie. It had meant everything.

“I promise. And Cat, sweetheart, take this the right way, but it never means nothing with you two. You both want it. So why stop?”

“Because I shouldn’t be sleeping with married men. No matter how I feel about the man in question.”

“Why not? You’re free to do whatever the hell you want.”

“Yes, but entering an affair might not be the best idea, Cersei.”

Some stupid part of her brain immediately started speaking of that she had technically already began the affair. It was not a question about whether she would enter an affair, because she had done that already. It was a question about whether or not she would let it continue.

“I had the time of my life when I had an affair” Cersei stated.

“And now you no longer have a husband!”

“So what? I can do whatever I want now. And you can too. If you like it, do it, there’s no one to stop you, honey.”

“What about his wife?”

Cersei laughed again.

“Screw the wife, he likes you.”

When Catelyn got back home her head was spinning with questions once more. What if Cersei was right? Maybe she was just supposed to go for it? Why did she care so much about doing the right thing? It didn’t matter. As she had said, she had nothing to lose on it. She didn’t care even a bit for Ned’s wife, she was mostly angry over that she had taken Ned.

Why was she lying to herself, she did have something to lose. She could lose Ned. And the thought of that made her chest tight. If she kept seeing him she would have to tell him. But she also couldn’t stay away.

But the note had said to call him if she changed her mind.

_I know what we said, but if you change your mind... you just need to call_

_Love, N_

_Sh_ e had changed her mind. Completely. She wanted him. Whatever the prize was, she didn’t care.

There was still another three hours until Edmure would drop Robb off, she had some time to kill. Earlier the same day she had been irritated over that Edmure stole Robb from her as often as he could. He had no kids of his own, him and his wife had been unlucky on that part, but he wanted them desperately. And so he took Robb a day almost every weekend. But at the time it was a relief. No one was in the way for her. Maybe someone would be in the way for Ned though.

“Screw it.”

She picked up her phone, typed in the number. Then she took a deep breath and put in the message.

_Is it next time yet?_

She sat on the couch and rested her head in her hands. All she could do was to wait. And hope that she wouldn’t regret her decision.

Oh gods, she was really pathetic. Throwing herself at a married man. Well, at least she could comfort herself with that that married man was equally pathetic.

~*~

Working on a Sunday was not among Ned Stark’s favorite things to do. But duty had called and he had been forced to go to the company to deal with a matter that had turned out to be irrelevant. Sometimes he hated his job. They had been at the park with Ashara’s mother when they called him and he had been forced to leave a very disappointed Jon with his mom and grandmother.

As he stood in the elevator down he picked up his phone to call Ashara and let her now that he was on his way back. But just then it buzzed and a message appeared on the screen. From an unknown number.

_Is it next time yet?_

Catelyn. He had thought about that all night. Even as Ashara had been snoring softly next to him, he had not been able to push away that little part of him that just waited for Cat to message him. It was terrible, and he was well aware of it. But he had not been able to leave her apartment without giving her a way to contact him without coming to his house. They had said there would be no next time. It was a one time thing. But apparently it wasn’t. Ned really wasn’t surprised.

He had the option to not answer her. He could ignore it and go on with his life. That would be better for everyone. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave her like that.

_It’s only been a day_ , he responded as he stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby.

He stopped and waited for her answer. He had the perfect opportunity, he had an excuse. Ashara would think he was working. That stuff could sometimes drag out for hours longer than what was first intended. She wouldn’t suspect anything.

_It’s been too long, don’t you think?_

She had him hooked with that, and she probably knew it.

_I’ll be with you in 10_

And with that he put his phone away again and left the building. It was just a short walk to where she lived, no need to take the car.

When he reached the porch to her apartment house and went inside Ned realized that he had not paid Ashara a single thought since the first minute. What was he doing? Why did he care so little for his wife? And for his son. He was supposed to be with his son. But knowing that Cat waited for him just three floors up seemed like the most important thing in the world in that moment. He couldn’t resist that. His Cat. Gods, he was selfish. What did any of them see in him? He didn’t know.

He climbed the stairs as quickly as he could and knocked on her door. She opened it almost immediately and smiled when she saw him. For a moment he was stunned by the sight. Who had given her the right to be so lovely?

“I like the tie” she said as she let him inside and locked the door behind him. “Why so fancy?”

“Oh, I’m coming directly from work” he said.

“On a Sunday?”

“Unexpected things happen quite often.”

He had been about to say that it was an unfortunate thing, but he couldn’t make himself think that when it had lead to that he could see her.

“That’s why you could come here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah” he admitted.

She sighed.

“This will be the last time.”

He didn’t want to stop. He knew it was the only right thing to do, but he didn’t want to not be with her. And he had a suspicion of that it definitely wouldn’t be the last time. They had said that the day before would be the last time, and there he was.

“Really?”

She snorted, suddenly looking annoyed.

“I don’t know, because as you put it so beautifully, we’re weak” she said. “But this is my way of coping with that I’m in an affair with a married man. I tell myself I won’t do it again.”

That was what they were. An affair. He wanted them to be much more, but they couldn’t. It would never end well. Even if he split with Ashara, it wouldn’t work. They had never quite worked together. But still none of them could walk away.

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I. And now, I need you to say with me that this will stop after today. Because it will stop. We can’t continue, because you are married. You have a wife, and that wife is not me.”

“Yes. It will stop after this. This is the last time.”

It would be the last time.

“Then you’ll go home to your family, and we’ll forget this ever happened and move on.”

As she said it she came close to him and began undoing his tie with skilled hands. Like she had done it a thousand times before.

They had done terribly on that last part. It had been ten years and apparently none of them had moved on. He had thought that he did. For very long he had thought that he was over her. But apparently that had not been true.

She sounded like she really wanted it to come true. And he wanted it to come true too, but at the same time all he wanted was to have her.

“Okay?” she asked, stopping for a moment to look at him.

“Okay.”

He raised a hand and took the clip that held her hair in a bun so that it fell down her back. It had such an amazing color, he could look at it forever. She reached up and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Without hesitating he laid one arm around her waist, pulling her to him. She gasped slightly into his mouth at it and the sound sent shiver down his spine, made him tingle. She broke away slightly.

“You shouldn’t be here” she whispered, her face just an inch from his.

Her breath was hot on his face, and her body was pressed against his. All coherent thoughts had left him. He just wanted her. Wanted to touch her, wanted make love to her.

“I know. But I am here. And I want you.”

He slid a hand under the edge of her shirt and drew a small circle on the soft skin of her lower back.

“I’m yours.”

~*~

She wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. But she did enjoy it, very much. It was the last time, she had promised herself that. And she would keep that promise and keep herself away from Ned. That time she actually would. But she would make that last time count.

They were slowly making their way towards the bedroom, stumbling over things on the way. Why did she have so much stuff? She would have to get some of that away.

“You’re beautiful” he murmured as he pushed her back on the bed.

Her shirt had come off somewhere, she had not idea where. But she sure did not miss it. Her skin was burning wherever he touched her, she could feel herself get hot. And she never wanted him to stop because she had never felt anything so wonderful.

Ned kissed her neck, drawing moans from her as he undid the buttons of her jeans. And she wished he would do it faster, but he took his time. Teased her.

And the next moment the doorbell rang. Both of them stopped. Who was it? There were still more than two hours until Edmure would drop Robb off, and she wasn’t expecting anyone else.

“Don’t stop” she finally said, and Ned happily did as she told him.

But only a moment later they were interrupted again by the obnoxious ringtone of her phone. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. What did someone want her? Couldn’t it wait an hour?

She leaned up, caught Ned’s lip in one final quick kiss and then she picked up her phone from her bedside table. Edmure.

“Yes?” she asked, unable to keep the irritation out of her voice.

“Why are you not opening the door?” her brother asked.

Oh fuck, were they back already?

“I– damn it, just give me a minute.”

“What are you even doing?”

Edmure sounded almost amused and she wanted to punch him.

“That’s none of your business!”

She hung up and tried to contain her anger. Why could she not have that? Why was the world acting against her. It had been so good for five minutes, of course it couldn’t go on. Maybe if they just were happy they would be able to stay away from one another. Apparently that was what the universe demanded.

“I’m sorry” she said, and she had never meant anything as much as she meant that. “My brother is here with Robb.”

Ned frowned. Her first instinct was to raise a hand and smooth out the wrinkles, but she kept her hands to herself.

“That’s not very good.”

Was he thinking of his wife? Of what would happen if she found out about it?

“No. I won’t be able to sneak you out.”

He chuckled.

“Well, it was fun for as long as it lasted.”

“He won’t tell anyone, I can make sure of that. But he’ll know you’re here. You can’t just sit in here until he leaves. Because then you might have to stay until sunset.”

“I guess meeting your brother is the prize I have to pay.”

She walked out of the bedroom while buttoning up her pants at the same time. She found her shirt on the floor, pulled it over her head. It was as good as it could get.

Ned’s tie laid on the floor just in front of the door. She looked at it for a moment before picking it up and walking back into the bedroom with it. She tossed it at Ned and then walked briskly back to the door.

“Are you not alone or something? Why didn’t you open?”

“You really shouldn’t be asking questions, you’re very early” Catelyn said. “Hey, sweetheart. Was it fun with Uncle Edmure?”

Robb was smiling from ear to ear.

“We went to the aquarium! They had a really cool fish there, it was huge! I’m telling you, Mom, huuuuuuge!”

She chuckled and ruffled his hair.

“You’ll have to tell me all about it later. Now, go wash you hands.”

Robb did so without a fight.

“So what if I’m not alone?” she hissed at Edmure. “I thought I would have the afternoon free.”

Edmure grinned.

“Oh, are you finally getting some? I was starting to believe you had decided to go celibate.”

She smacked the back of his head.

“Ow!”

“Well, if you keep showing up when you’re not supposed to I will have to do it. Because thanks to you, my dear brother, I’m not getting some.”

“Where is he?” Edmure said curiously and looked around her.

“He’s going to leave now” she said just as Ned came out.

“Hello, Ned” Edmure said, grinning again.

Ned avoided eye contact.

“Hello, Edmure.”

Just then Robb came out of the bathroom. He stopped and stared at Ned.

“Are you my mom’s boyfriend?” he asked, as if that was the most natural thing in the world to ask someone.

Ned just coughed and Catelyn could feel herself blushing like a maniac. Why, Robb? That had been the worst thing he could have possibly said. Why couldn’t he have asked for his name, like a normal kid?

She looked between them and suddenly a realization hit her in the face. That was the first time they met. Robb was seeing his father, Ned was looking at his first son. And they didn’t even know it. Only she knew. In a better world they would have known, and Robb wouldn’t even have asked that question, because the answer would have been an obvious ‘yes’. Of course his parents were together, what a ridiculous question.

“No” she finally said. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Why not?”

For so many different reasons. He already had a wife, among other things.

“You can’t just ask people that, Robb” she said.

“I think it’s a very valid question” Edmure said.

Catelyn had to resist the urge to smack him again.

“I’m trying it teach him some manners, you are not helping.”

Ned took that opportunity and ran with it.

“You’ll have to excuse me” he said and walked past them. “I need to leave.”

And so he disappeared out the door without another word. He needed to go to his wife and his son. The other son. Catelyn was not going to lie to herself, that did hurt.

“I knew you’d end up back together sooner or later” Edmure said as she made coffee for him five minutes later.

Robb sat in the living room, distracted by the TV.

“We definitely won’t” she said shortly.

She didn’t want to talk about it, she wanted to forget it ever happened.

“Why not?”

“He’s married, Ed. So I would really like it if you didn’t tell anyone you saw him here.”

Edmure was quiet for a moment. She wasn’t looking at him, but she could imagine that he was staring at her.

“Oh my gods. You really are too much sometimes, Cat.”

“Thanks, you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't expect updates to be this quick in the future, I'm currently on a roll, but it won't last forever.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	3. Personal crisis

_So how did it go yesterday? ;)_

Catelyn probably wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for Cersei. Or, well, she would have waited longer. And still she had gotten nothing for it. Not the smallest reward. She had not even got her pants off. Because of her idiotic brother.

_Got cock blocked by my brother... and then Robb asked Ned if he was my boyfriend. It was a mess_

She raised her coffee mug to her lips and took a long sip. Maybe texting about her affair in the teacher’s room wasn’t a great idea, but it was 07:54 AM and she didn’t have energy to care. Who would care about it? Literally none of her colleagues.

_Ha! Wish I could have been there! You’ll just have to keep trying then ;)_

Catelyn had barely slept a second that night. She had been thinking about that. She had promised herself that the day before would be the last time. But she had also wanted to make the most of their last time, wanted to make it count. And she definitely had not made the most of that time. Thanks to Edmure.

So could it really hurt to see each other one more time? Just one last time. So that she could feel that she was finished and done with it. Because as it was she was just aching for more. She had been so close to having it and then it had been snatched away from her.

_I’m thinking about it..._

She had gone over it a thousand times in her head. She had felt bad for it, because she had told herself that the last time would be the last time. But it had to happen one more time. She would contact him just one last time so that they could finish. And then she was done. Then they would be completely over. No more affair. And that was assuming he wanted to see her again. What if Robb and Edmure had scared him away?

_That’s my girl_

Catelyn had to roll her eyes at that. She was the most boring person she knew. Except for what had happened with Ned her life had lacked for interesting happenings the past years. She worked, she took care of her son, every now and then she decided that trying to date again was a good idea. It never was. She definitely wasn’t unhappy, she loved her son and the rest of her family, but sometimes it all seemed very grey.

_Don’t get used to it, I’m gonna end it_

“Catelyn?”

She looked up from her phone. Speaking of grey, the embodiment of the color stood before her. He probably lived a grey life as well. But he would never have an affair, he was too kind for that. So her own grey life was no excuse. She was just terrible. Oh gods.

“Yes, Luwin?” she said, despite the minor crisis that was going on in her head.

“I just needed to talk to you about Mr. Tyrell” he started.

“Could we take this a bit later? I have a class in five minutes.”

Her phone buzzed and she looked down on it.

_Yeah sure. Just remember what I said_

Well, it was very hard to forget.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

She rose from the armchair, mentally picked up the pieces that was herself and puzzled them together. There was nothing like trying to teach Westerosi history to unruly fifteen-year-olds when you were a bit upset.

That evening she would text him. Just so that they could be done with it.

~*~

_Sorry about my brother and Robb_

He, too, was sorry about yesterday. How could he not be? They had said no more. But did that even count as one time? He wished it hadn’t bothered him so much, but it did. And he had been afraid of that that would be it. That he wouldn’t hear anymore from her. He had even thought of texting her. But she had been quicker.

_No need to apologize_

It hadn’t been her fault. He’d only been annoyed with her brother. Edmure had always enjoyed poking fun at things, but apparently Ned had managed to forget exactly how much he liked it. And not that Edmure had known, but still. Couldn’t he have come half an hour later?

Robb, on the other hand, had made him think. He remembered when he heard that she had had the boy. It had been just nine months after they broke up, and he would always remember the surprise of hearing that she had a child from another man right after they separated. No one had seemed to know who the father was though. And Ned couldn’t help but wonder who the father was. He didn’t seem to have a part in Catelyn’s or the boy’s lives. Maybe she didn’t even know.

_I know we said we wouldn’t see each other again, but did yesterday even count?_

He felt some sort of strange relief at the notion that she had been thinking the same thing. That the day before couldn’t be last time since that had got nothing done. It had only left him craving her even more badly. He craved her body, craved her smile, craved the sound of her laughter. He wanted to be with her fully, truly. They wouldn’t be able to do that for as long as he was married to Ashara. But they could do the closest thing.

_I had the same thought exactly_

He had thought of her nonstop since the moment he laid eyes upon her the day before. And then she had pulled away from him just when he got to touch her, feel her. It was driving him crazy. He wasn’t supposed to want it. He was supposed to want his wife. And she wasn’t his wife. But he wanted her anyway.

_Does that mean I’ll see you this weekend?_

That was where he should have said no. He should have told her that it was wrong and irresponsible. But he could imagine her smiling to herself as she wrote that. And that was what lead him to giving her a different answer.

_I’m already looking forward to it_

The weekend seemed so awfully far away. He would have to wait at least five whole days before he could see her again. The thought was almost unbearable. Did she feel the same thing? Did she feel that she would have him with her always if she could? Because that was what he felt. He felt it very much.

She did not answer to that, but she didn’t have to. They had come to a decision already, anymore texts were unnecessary. He wished he could keep them, but as soon as he was sure she wouldn’t reply he deleted them. And suddenly no evidence of their plans were left, and he was just a normal man with a wife and a son again.

Ashara would be out of town with Jon during the weekend. She was taking him to visit her younger sister and her son. He would miss them, but at the moment all he could think of was that it worked very well. He was a terrible husband. Ashara would never know if everything went as it should, but still, every time he looked at her he thought of how he had betrayed her. And she just looked back at him, completely unaware of what he had done.

Ashara had been unsuspecting when he came home the day before. She had kissed him. And all he had been able to think of was how very different it was from when Catelyn kissed him. Cat had been desperate, hungry. And that was the only sort of kisses they would ever share, because they didn’t have time for anything else. While Ashara’s kiss had been soft and welcoming. Loving, even. He wanted to be able to kiss Catelyn like that. But their kisses would always be secret, their meetings would always be a stolen hour here and there. If they even continued.

“Ned?”

“Yes, darling?”

Ashara sat next to him and laid her arms around him.

“What are you thinking of?”

How he would see another woman again while she was visiting her sister. How much he wanted it to be Catelyn with her arms around him.

“Nothing, just work.”

“Well, that’s a boring answer.”

“What did you want me to say?”

She smiled.

“Oh I don’t know. You just looked so far away that I was sure you had left me and was never coming back.”

Was the that what he was doing? Was he leaving her in his mind? Or had he already done that? Was that why Cat was always in his thoughts?

“You’re the one leaving me, not the other way around” he chuckled.

“It’s just over the weekend. You’ll be perfectly fine, some time alone is probably good for you.”

Except for that he would spend his time alone with someone else and that it absolutely wouldn’t be good for him.

“Maybe.”

She kissed him. Another one of those soft kisses that broke his heart in two pieces.

“Jon wanted you to come and say goodnight.”

“I’ll go right away.”

He freed himself from her and left her there on the couch. And as he walked upstairs towards Jon’s room he reflected over how different she was from Catelyn. She was soft while Catelyn was passionate. Her hair was dark, Catelyn’s fiery, practically glowing. When Catelyn got angry over something Ashara would have simply been disappointed. Ashara’s laugh was quiet, Catelyn’s laugh could fill a room. And both of them were fantastic. He loved both of them. But still he couldn’t stay away from one of them. From Cat.

He kissed Jon goodnight after having read for him. Jon loved reading, but he loved it even more when someone read out loud to him. He had a wild imagination and came up with all sort of stories. And despite the fact that his marriage to Ashara might crash and burn in the future Ned couldn’t regret it at all. Because he would always have Jon. His son.

Ashara was still where he had left her when he came downstairs again. She smiled at him so sweetly. And nuzzled close to him again when he sat next to her. She kissed him again, a little more firmly than she had before. And suddenly her hands were unbuttoning his shirt. He wanted to enjoy it. She was his wife. And he loved her, didn’t he? But still he couldn’t help but feeling that he was unfaithful. Even though he was completely faithful in that moment. Catelyn was the affair, not the other way around. And still Catelyn had managed to make a nest in his heart.

“I can’t he said” and broke away from her.

She looked at him, frowning.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I... I’m... I just don’t want to right now.”

“Oh, okay.”

And then that smile was there again. In the moment Ned hated it. Why was she smiling at him like that when he was a terrible husband? Why couldn’t she understand that something was, in fact, wrong and just do something about it?

~*~

_My wife is away over the weekend, want to come here?_

She wanted to. She wanted to go to his home and have him. The thought of having him as hers in the house where Ashara usually ruled was somewhat exciting. Then she would be the one in power, not the helpless one. She was terrible. Horrible. She was taking too much advice from Cersei. But still. She couldn’t help her own feelings, could she?

Though that was apparently where her moral compass decided was a good place to stop her. She could have an affair with a married man, but sleeping with him in his wife’s house? Scandalous! Outrageous! Disgraceful! Catelyn was very tired of herself. But she also knew that she would have to draw the line somewhere.

“Catelyn?”

Edmure snapped his finger in her face.

“Are you not listening to me?”

She waved away his hand.

“Give me a moment, I need to answer someone” she mumbled.

_Can I call you in five minutes?_

It would be good to have a conversation about it. And Edmure would leave soon anyway.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

“If by ‘him’ you mean Ned, then yes.”

Edmure already knew all of it, there was no point in lying.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to see him more.”

It would have been better if he sounded more accusing. If he talked her out of it. But instead he just grinned in that way only he could do and winked. He was way too fine with that she had an affair.

“Well, some idiot came knocking on my door and interrupted last time I saw him” she said.

“Are you calling your son an idiot?” Edmure chuckled. “That’s unfair, he’s quite smart for a nine-year-old!”

Why was she still spending time with her brother? Nobody knew. Especially not Catelyn herself.

She rolled her eyes.

“My son just doesn’t know what questions to ask.”

“Catelyn, what Robb said was the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life, don’t be boring. You’re overreacting!”

She was having an affair. With her ex from ten years ago. Who had a wife and another son. And her son had asked that man if he was her boyfriend, unknowing of that it was his father looking down at him. His father. Robb had met his father for the first time and he had not even known it. And Edmure was really telling her that she was overreacting.

“Well, you don’t know everything so maybe you shouldn’t be talking about it” she muttered.

_Can I have ten minutes?_

Of course he could have ten minutes.

_Deal, I’ll call you in ten_

“Catelyn! Eyes off your phone!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Edmure. You’re being really annoying right now, are you aware of that?”

“I wouldn’t have to be annoying if you just ignored your lover for two minutes and talked to me. For real, I need to leave in two minutes. Can you just talk to me for two minutes?”

“First of all, he’s not my lover. Second of all, lower your voice.”

Robb had brought a friend him after school and they were in his room. She didn’t think they would be listening, they were busy playing, but she wouldn’t risk them hearing anything. It wasn’t a conversation for their innocent little ears.

“Then what is he?”

“Nothing. We’re nothing.”

Edmure snorted.

“Then why was he in your bedroom two days ago? And why are you texting him as we speak?”

“It’s complicated and you know that.”

“That doesn’t take away the fact that he’s your lover.”

They had seen each other twice, and had sex once, it couldn’t possibly make them lovers.

“I don’t love him, I’ve slept with him once, he’s not my lover. I’m going to see him one more time to break things off, that’s all.”

“Oh, was that what you were trying to do? I must admit it didn’t really seem that way.”

The amused tone in his voice was driving her mad. Couldn’t he just leave her be?

“I had things I needed to do first.”

“‘Things you needed to do’?” Edmure laughed. “Just say you’re in love and horny, it’s fine.”

“Has it been two minutes yet?”

Edmure made a show of holding his wrist up and checking his watch.

“Not quite, you’re unlucky.”

“Damn it.”

The argument about whether or not Ned was her lover continued for another minute until Edmure pushed himself out of the armchair. By then Catelyn was glad to be rid of him. She loved him, but sometimes she believed his only hobby was pushing her buttons.

Just after Edmure had left Robb came running out of his room.

“Mom, can I please have a sleepover with Theon on Friday? Please, please, please!”

“If it’s okay with Theon’s parents I suppose I don’t have anything to object to. You can ask them when they come here to pick him up.”

Robb’s smile could have outshined the sun. He hugged her tightly.

“Thank you!”

Then he let go of her and ran back into his room, closing the door behind him. She looked after him for a moment, and couldn’t keep back a smile. What had she done to deserve such a wonderful child?

Only a minute later did she realize how perfectly that worked. The apartment would be empty except for her the night to Saturday. Ned could come to her instead. And they would have all night, no one would come to interrupt. Unless Ashara left on Saturday, of course.

The smile was still on her face when she called Ned. Three signals went and then he answered.

“Hey” he said.

He had such an incredible voice. She had always been weak for it. And it reminded her of how much she had missed him. Hearing him, talking to him. She loved that.

“Hey” she replied.

“I have to make this quick. Okay?”

“Yes. Of course” she said.

She wasn’t surprised. He probably had to get back to his wife. Or his son. The other son. The one that wasn’t hers.

“When does your wife leave?”

“After dinner on Friday. Do you want to come here?”

“I can’t do that. I might be having sex with her husband, but I won’t invade her home. That’s where I have to draw the line. So I have a different idea.”

“Tell me about your idea.”

Now she could hear the smile in his voice.

“Well, if everything goes as it should Robb will be sleeping over with a friend on Friday. So I’ll be alone here all night. I thought that maybe you would like to keep me company.”

“I would like that very much.”

“I’ll see you on Friday.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Friday seemed terribly far away. But it would come. And she could barely wait. Thank the gods for Robb and Theon.

Catelyn Tully was in a very good mood the rest of that night. She was running on the knowledge of that they would have an entire night for themselves. There would be no need for rushing. They could take there time.

Or well, that good mood lasted until she was saying goodnight to Robb.

“Is that man coming back here?”

She frowned and sat on the edge of his bed.

“What man?”

“The man who was here when I came home with Uncle Edmure.”

“Oh, you mean Ned. No, he’s not.”

“Why?”

She tried to smile at him.

“It’s difficult to explain, sweetheart.”

He was quiet then and she believed the conversation to be over, but then he spoke again.

“Too bad.”

That surprised her. He had spoken to Ned exactly once and Ned had not answered. But apparently he had been thinking about it since then.

“You think so?”

“Yeah. It would be fun to have a dad.”

His words were a knife in her heart. It had always just been the two of them. Whatever quick relationships she had been in had never been involved at all. And she had been fine with that, had never missed someone else to share her home with. She had thought that Robb was okay with it too. But apparently he was missing a dad. She could be a lot of things to him. But she could never be a dad.

“Theon’s dad takes him fishing sometimes. And Jeyne’s dad builds things for her. Olyvar’s dad is a bit weird, but he makes funny jokes. And they come to pick them up from school.”

He did have a father. And he had met him. But that did him no good. Because his father would never be able to be a dad to him. He had another son. Robb’s half-brother, not that any of them knew about it. But it was very much true.

“I see. Was that why you asked if he was my boyfriend?”

Robb nodded.

“If you get a boyfriend, can I have a sibling? I would like a sister.”

She had never thought of more children. And she had no one to have them with. But if she found someone more kids wouldn’t be terrible. It would be quite nice, actually. When she was younger she had dreamed of a big family. And she had thought that she would have it with Ned. But things had not turned out that way.

“I don’t think you get to choose” she chuckled.

“A brother would be fine too, I guess. But I want a little sister.”

“Yes. It would be nice with a girl. But I don’t know, Robb. It’s not that easy getting a partner, you have to consider so many things.”

“Why can’t you ask Ned to be your boyfriend? So that I get a dad. And can have a sibling.”

Robb couldn’t even imagine how much she wanted that.

“It doesn’t really work that way when you’re grown up. There are many steps before you can ask someone to be your partner. And you don’t just have a baby with anyone, you have consider very carefully before.”

“Then why aren’t you together with my dad?”

Because she found out that she was pregnant after they had broken up and he had moved to a different town. He had moved back three years later but she had not taken contact with him then, because she hadn’t wanted to force her child upon him. He had given her Robb, but he had had no say in it. Though she was closer to his dad then he knew. But what did she tell Robb? That he was an accident?

“Well. It’s difficult to explain. There are many reasons for that.”

“Mom? Why has my dad never come to see me? Doesn’t he love me?”

He didn’t even know that Robb was his son. He knew nothing at all.

“Your dad loves you very much, Robb. And I wish with all my heart that he could come and see you. But I think it’s better this way.”

Ned would have loved Robb if he had known. She knew that. He would have taken good care of him. So it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. Now try to sleep.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

She leaned down and kissed his forehead and then she turned off the lamp. She walked out of his room, sat down on the couch and closed her eyes.

Why had she not told Ned earlier, before he met Ashara? Why had she not told him immediately, as soon as she found out? Robb could have had a father. And maybe they would have gotten back together. Maybe they would have got married and had more kids. Maybe they would have lived in a big house with a garden. Maybe Ned would have made pancakes for breakfast during the weekends.

She had never felt any desire to marry after Ned. Had never felt any desire to expand her family. Then Robb mentioned it once and all she could think of was how much she wanted it. She wanted a husband to make pancakes for her. Or at least she told herself that what she wanted was a husband. Deep down she knew that she wanted Ned. When she imagined it it was Ned. She couldn’t see anyone else. How would she be able she break things off when she was dreaming of a life with him?

She needed to talk to someone who wasn’t Ned. And Edmure was definitely out of the game. In the end she decided on Cersei.

_Can I call you?_

It only took Cersei a minute to reply.

_Yeah, sure, it’s Robert’s week with the kids so I’m alone  
_

She wasn’t supposed to be glad about her friend’s divorce, but in that moment she was. No, screw that, she was always glad about Cersei’s divorce, Robert had not been a very good husband.

“Are you in a personal crisis again?” was the first thing Cersei said.

“Hello to you too” Catelyn sighed.

“That was not an answer.”

“Yes. I’m in a personal crisis.”

“Tell me all about it, darling, I’ve got all night.”

“I have been alone with Robb for nine years and I’ve been fine that. I haven’t felt that my life is unfulfilled in any way. But now he asked me for a dad. And a sibling. And suddenly I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t marry Ned, like, tomorrow.”

“You’ll be just fine, Catelyn. You’ve been on your own for so long. You don’t need a man to help you with it.”

“No. It’s not that I need help. I just want someone to share things with. I’ve never considered myself to be lonely, but now I feel lonely. Robb wants a bigger family than just him and me. And I want that too, but I can’t do it alone. And the only one I want to do it with is Ned. But he already has that with someone else. With his wife.”

They had met for the first time in ten years not even two weeks earlier. And had sex not even a week earlier. She was in no place where she could ask him to divorce his wife. But she wanted it. And she knew that she would never stop wanting it. She had to wait and see. Maybe he felt the same way. But she could never let him do that without telling him about Robb first. She could never let him leave his wife for her before he knew about Robb.

“Shit. You’re in love.”

Saying it out loud would make her sound stupid. She wasn’t stupid, she had been well aware of that falling in love with married men were a terrible idea. And still she had done it. She had walked right into the trap. Her heart had abandoned all reason. And so had her brain.

“Not in love. I think it’s that I can’t have it. I know I can’t have it and so I crave it more than anything else.”

“I was going to say that you’re not stupid, but falling in love with your married ex from many years ago is a bit stupid. So are you going to see him again?”

“I’m not in love. But I’m going to see him on Friday. He told me he loved me the first time he came here, but I have no idea about how much of it was truth and how much of it was just... shock over seeing me again.”

“Does seeing him make you happy?”

“Very.”

“Then my advice is the same as before. Keep doing it as long as it feels good.”

~*~

Ned felt a bit strange, saying goodbye to Ashara and Jon while knowing that he would leave and go to Catelyn less than an hour later.

“Promise you’ll behave when we’re gone” Ashara said, smiling, as she was packing their things into the car.

“To the best of my ability” Ned answered.

He couldn’t do better than what he was doing. He had to see Catelyn.

“Good. I’ll see you in two days.”

“Bye, Dad!” Jon said as he fastened his seatbelt.

“Bye, Jon. Be good to Mom.”

“I promise!”

He had lost a tooth for the first time and when he smiled you could see the gap where it had been. He was getting bigger every day. Time went so ridiculously fast.

Ashara kissed him one last time before getting in her car and driving away. She would be gone for two days. And she would come back completely unaware of his crimes. How could he do that to her? How could he do that to his son? He had no idea.

Once more he met Catelyn in the stairwell. That time he actually managed to stop himself from running into her.

“Look who’s early” she said.

She reached up and kissed him quickly. As if it was a routine.

“I couldn’t wait to see you.”

“I’m so sorry, Robb forgot his toothbrush, I need to give it to him. Would you be fine on your own for twenty minutes?”

“I think I can manage that.”

“You’re the best. I’ll see you soon.”

She gave him the key and then she rushed down the rest of the stairs. He looked after her when she disappeared. That conversation had gone so easily. Like she was his wife, going to give their son his toothbrush. But she wasn’t his wife. And Robb wasn’t his son. Maybe he could have been, had things been different.

He continued up, unlocked the door to her apartment and went inside. He didn’t really know what to do. It wasn’t his home. But he would have to spend at least twenty minutes there on his own. He had only been in Cat’s bedroom and the living room. Maybe he could have a look around? She probably wouldn’t mind.

The place wasn’t large, but they had a lot of stuff. The kitchen was very different from his own neatly cleaned kitchen. And she had a lot of plants. Little flowers and green things with huge leaves. A plant person. Catelyn was a plant person. And she seemed to love peanuts. And books, she had a book on every flat surface. Her son apparently loved yellow. And she had papers to grade on her kitchen table. It was fascinating, how much you could get to know of a person simply by walking around their home.

When she came back he sat in the living room, flipping through one of her books. It was about the great fire of King’s Landing. Apparently there was a lot to say about it.

“Do you still read a lot?” she asked.

“Not as much as I used to.”

He had almost stopped reading completely after Jon was born. In the previous two years he had found his way back to it, but he definitely didn't read as much as when they had been together.  


“Me neither. I just can’t bring myself to put the books away. If I have them out it looks like I'm still a person who has time for reading."

“You need to grade those essays on the kitchen table, you have to return those on Monday.”

“I’m gonna do that as soon as you leave tomorrow” she smiled. “I’ve already read them, I just need to write some comments and put the the grade down.”

The thought of that he wouldn’t have to leave until the day after made him feel all warm inside. He had many hours with Catelyn. There was no need for kissing in the hallway and going directly to the bedroom.

“What do you teach?”

“History. Mostly Westerosi, but I definitely know more about the history of Essos than the average person.”

Therefore all the history books. He probably would have been able to figure that out on his own if he had not been distracted by her. It was quite windy outside and strands of her hair had fallen out of her bun. She was beautiful. Very beautiful.

She must have seen where his eyes were because she reached up and took it out, shaking her head slightly so that her hair fell down over her shoulders.

She sat next to him and leaned against him, looking down at the book he held. The feeling of having her close again was wonderful. That was the way it was supposed to be. Or at least that’s what he felt in that moment.

“They don’t know how the fire started” she said. “Everyone has a different theory. One believes it was a candle that fell over, another believes that the fire was started on purpose. One historian even says it was a dragon, though we have proof of that dragons died out a hundred years before the event.”

“And what do you think is correct?” he asked, pulling her closer.

“I think the houses were built way too close to each other and that a fire was inevitable since they didn't have a working fire brigade eight hundred years ago” she said, as a matter of fact. “It doesn’t matter what started it, the thing that matters is that it grew out of control. Five hundred thousand people lived in King’s Landing then, it’s estimated at least four hundred thousand died in the terrible fire because the gates weren’t open so that people could flee, and the ones who survived lost their homes and everything they owned. The city had to be rebuilt completely. Even the castle was destroyed.”

He never wanted her to stop. Not that he cared much for the topic, but her voice when she started teaching instead of talking was incredible. He had never found someone’s way of talking more attractive.

“The queen died in the fire. Then another queen took over for a day, she was killed. Supposedly stabbed in the heart by her lover, but no one knows for sure. Personally, I find that a bit too poetic to be true. And then a new king was elected, King Brandon I, and he ruled for over sixty years. Oh gods, I’m super boring right now, sorry. I can’t help it.”

“Don’t apologize, I think it’s interesting.”

She looked at him.

“Do you find the great fire of King’s Landing interesting or do you find me interesting?”

“You got me there” he chuckled. “Your voice changes a bit. It suits you.”

She laughed.

“Thank you.”

Ned leaned down and kissed her. She quickly deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing herself against him. The book fell to the floor with a thump when he pulled her up in his lap, but none of them seemed to hear it. The only thing that mattered in the moment was Catelyn. Her heat and her movements. The way she sighed softly into his mouth when he touched her in the right places.

He easily picked her up without breaking the kiss and carried her towards the bedroom. It would be good with a bit of space to move. And that time no one would ring the doorbell, no one would call. It was just them. And they had all night.

It was like no time at all had passed. She still knew just what to do. She knew where to touch him, where to kiss him, what to say. But the taste of her was the greatest gift of all. He could never have enough of it. He wanted to kiss her, make love to her, forever.

And somewhere in the darkest hours of the night, when the two of them were too exhausted to continue, she curled up against him and rested her head on his chest. He held her and ran his fingers through her hair, combing out the tangles that had appeared as they had worked together. She hummed in satisfaction and pressed a kiss to his chest.

“I don’t think I have ever felt better” she whispered.

“Me neither.”

It was true. Never had he felt more at peace. That was where he belonged, with his arms around Catelyn.

He reached down and pulled a blanket over her. She had always got cold so easily. It was almost ridiculous, but he wanted her to be comfortable.

“Thank you” she mumbled, half-asleep.

It didn’t take long before he was sleeping too.

~*~

Catelyn stretched out and yawned. Turned so that she could come closer to Ned. Only to find the bed empty. The door to the bedroom was closed. That was strange. Had he left without telling her? That wasn’t like him at all.

She dragged herself out of bed, found her underwear and pulled an oversized t-shirt over her head. Then she opened the door to see if she could find some clue about where he could be. Immediately she became aware of the sweet scent that filled the air and the noice from the kitchen.

Curiously she made her way to the kitchen. And found that Ned was making breakfast.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” he asked.

“Not at all, what are you making?” she asked.

He looked up at her with a smile.

“You still like pancakes, right?”

Fuck. He was making her pancakes. All she had wanted was someone to make her pancakes. And there he was, making her pancakes. What a fool she had been when they broke up. She should have married him. She should have made him hers before Ashara could do it. Because now his pancakes were wasted on her.

She had thought that she was done. She could remember so clearly when she fell asleep with her head on his chest that she had been satisfied. That it was fine if she didn’t spend the rest of her life with him, because one night had been enough. Of course it would have been nice to have him with her forever, but she hadn’t been destroyed over that it would never happen. She would love him forever, but she could let him go. She could stop seeing him.  


Now she could feel tears rise in her eyes. He was making her pancakes. He was making breakfast for her. Like they were married, like it was just a normal morning in their lives. And the thought of having him in her kitchen more times was so desirable that she couldn’t crush it. She couldn’t let him go. Because he was making her pancakes. She would happily keep the secret to herself if that meant that he would be with her. Always.

“Are you crying?”

She walked over to him and hugged him, burying her face in his chest.

“Yes. Damn you.”

He laid one arm around her.

“You can just say you don’t like pancakes. I’ll make something else, it’s fine.”

“No! I love pancakes.”

“Then what is it, Cat?”

He loved her enough to make her pancakes. He loved her enough to stay with her and make pancakes for her. She couldn’t just look past that.

“You make it really hard for me to let you go back to your wife.”

“Would that I could stay with you. I should have asked you to marry me, all those years ago.”

“I wish you had. Maybe we could have made it work now. We are not the immature people we were ten years ago.”

She pulled away from him so that he could continue without burning anything.

“Do you want to stay with your wife?” she asked as she sat on a chair by the table.

“That’s a hard question. I have been married to Ashara for seven years, you don’t just throw that away without thinking twice first.”

“Did you think twice before going into this?”

“I can barely think once when I’m with you.”

“If you had not been married to her now, would you have married me?”

“Without hesitating.”

And despite everything she couldn’t help her smile. In a day his wife would come home and their little bubble would burst. But Catelyn would stay in that bubble for as long as she could. The sun was shining outside the window, the air was filled with the lovely scent of pancakes, and Ned was there with her. Just then all was well and she was happy. Life was good. And she wanted it to be like that always. She didn’t want to always be stressed about someone finding out about them. She didn’t want it to be secret.

“I’m going to throw away the note and delete you number after you leave” she said.

“Why?”

“Because then I’ll have to think twice before trying to reach you again.”

“I’ll have to take matters into my own hands then.”

“Yeah. You can call me if you decide to leave your wife” she said. “Because I want to have you like this too. I want to find you in my kitchen every morning, I want to fall asleep with your arms around me every night. I want us to live a normal life together. I don’t want an affair. And you can’t give me that for as long as you’re married to her.”

“It hasn’t even been a week. We shouldn’t rush.”

“I know. That doesn’t take away the fact that I love you. That my heart aches at the thought of not being with you. All of you. But you’re right, we shouldn’t rush. So take your time, think.”

“I have my son to think of too, it’s not only Ashara. But no matter what I choose to do, just know that I love you too. Very much. If things were easier I would marry you in a heartbeat. And I would make you pancakes every day.”

“That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said” she chuckled.

“It’s true though. Do you have maple syrup?”

“I don’t know. Might have.”

He actually managed to find some. And the pancakes were the most fantastic thing Catelyn had ever eaten. Ned left after they had breakfast. He kissed her before opening the door. Very softly, it felt like some sort of promise.

And after that she tore the note to pieces and threw it away. The number in her phone was deleted. And suddenly she had nothing from him. Except for the leftover pancakes in the fridge.

~*~

No no no no no no no no no. That couldn’t happen. It was impossible. It couldn’t be true. Not again. Not again. She couldn’t do it again. It seemed like Robb’s wish had come true in the worst possible way. She was pregnant. Once more she found herself pregnant with Ned’s baby. They had not spoken since that morning in the kitchen, when he had made her pancakes. But now she had to. Because she couldn’t do as she had done with Robb. He would know. No matter what she said he would know. She had to tell him. Immediately. They had to figure it out together. Because the baby was as much his as it was hers.  


She looked at herself in the mirror above the sink. Tried to wipe away her tears and failed because they kept coming against her will. She picked up her phone, typed in the number as if though she had never deleted it. And pressed call. He picked up almost immediately. Despite that it was the middle of the night.

“Catelyn?”

“Ned.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was quite a bit longer than the other two, but I hope it was just as enjoyable as them! I'm happy with how it turned out. Thank you for reading, it means the world to me. Also, another quite quick update. Go, me!
> 
> Catelyn telling Ned about the burning of KL is taken from season 8 of the show. I didn't like season 8, I just picked a major event that happened during GoT because they live in a modern Westeros and that would be a part of it's history.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	4. Revealings in the night

“Catelyn, what happened?”

Ned felt like he couldn’t breathe. What had happened to her? A million different terrible scenarios came up in his head and he tried to wave them away, but it was impossible. What had hurt her? He wanted to hold her close to him, comfort her. Assure her of that everything would be alright. But he couldn’t. Because she wasn’t with him.

She mumbled something incoherent and then she started crying again. It broke his heart in two. To hear her so devastated. It was terrible.

“I need you to come here” she whispered after a minute. “Could you come here? Please.”

He would have walked through the fires of hell for her in that moment. Anything for her.

“Yes. I’ll be on my way in five minutes.”

“Thank you” she sniffed. “I love you.”

He glanced at Ashara, made sure that she was still sleeping. Then he answered her.

“I love you too.”

She hung up and he sat still in the dark for a moment, still thinking about what could have happened to her. He should have called her earlier. He should have made his decision. He should have decided whether he would stay with Ashara or leave.

He gently shook Ashara’s shoulder. He couldn’t just leave without telling her something.

“What is it?” she mumbled, still not quite awake.

“Lyanna called. I don’t know what it is, but something has happened. I need to go to her.”

He felt bad for using that lie to go to Catelyn, because sometimes it was true. Sometimes Lyanna called in the middle of the night and needed him to come to her. It had been like that for a long time. But he had to get to Catelyn.

“Okay. Do you know when you’ll be back?”

“No. It might take an hour, I might need to take the day off from work.”

Whatever it was, he wanted to stay with Cat until she was feeling better.

Her hand found one of his and squeezed it.

“Say hello from me.”

“I will.”

Lyanna had never really taken a liking to Ashara the way she had to Cat. He had almost believed she would continue to be friends with Catelyn after they had broken up, but from what he knew they had not seen each other.

He left the bed, Ashara was already snoring softly again by the time he had dressed. Catelyn had been completely quiet and still when she had been sleeping close to him. He had almost thought her to be dead at times, but she had breathed. And she had looked to be so at peace that seeing her had brought a smile to his face.

He rushed downstairs, found the keys to the car and went outside. The night was dark and chilly, but the sky was clear and filled with stars. He had to keep himself from driving over the speed limit. He just wanted to come to Cat as quickly as he could. Help her in whatever it was that made her feel such pain.

The door was unlocked, but the apartment was dark when he came inside. He was about to call out for her when he remembered that her son was probably sleeping. And just then Catelyn came tiptoeing into view.

“You came” she whispered.

“Of course I came. I will always come when you ask me to.”

She came over to him and hugged him. Wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly, as if though her life depended upon it. It was not a kiss, but it was just as desperate as her kisses had been. What had happened?

He ran a hand through her hair and kissed their top of her head. She wasn’t crying as she had done earlier, but there was something about her that he didn’t like at all. She was afraid. And he hated whatever it was that made her so afraid. He would do anything to make it better.

“I’m sorry” she mumbled.

“For what?”

She pulled away from him and his first instinct was to pull her back into his arms, but he didn’t. He let her back away a few steps, like she was afraid of how he would react. He wanted to tell her that there was nothing to be afraid of, but that would do no good.

“I’m pregnant.”

For a moment he thought that he had misheard. No, it couldn’t be true. They had been careful. It was impossible. There had been some sort of misunderstanding. It couldn’t be his child.

He could barely see her in the dark, and she was so quiet.

“I don’t mean anything by this, but are you sure it’s mine?”

She laughed. A low, and very bitter laugh.

“I feel pathetic now, but yes. I haven’t seen anyone else.”

So apparently there had not been a misunderstanding. He didn’t really know what to feel. He was supposed to feel bad about it, of course. Because he had a wife, and a son at home. But he couldn’t quite do that. Some part deep down even felt happy. Catelyn was pregnant with his child. They had made a child. All the times he had dreamed of their children, it could become true. But could he leave one child’s mother for another one’s mother? It would have been less complicated if he hadn’t already been a father.

“Cat?”

“Yes?”

“What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know, Ned” she sighed. “I don’t know.”

She walked into the apartment and Ned followed behind her.

Someone would get hurt no matter what they chose to do. The question was just about who. Was he ready to ruin things for other people if that meant that he could be with Catelyn and their child? He didn’t know. There was a lot of things he didn’t know. And it was driving him mad.

She carefully closed the door to her son’s room, and then she sat in one of the armchairs. He sat on the couch.

“Do you want to keep it?” he asked.

“I don’t know that either. I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“That choice is yours, and yours only. I will go along with whatever you want to do.”

He would not force her or stop her from doing anything.

“And if I say that I would like to keep it, that I want this child, what would you say?”

“That I will try my best to do it right.”

“Even if that means wronging your wife?”

That was an important question. Having that child and acknowledging it as his, would definitely be to wrong his wife. And Jon. Gods, Jon. If he divorced Ashara, left her for Cat. Would he be able to look Jon in the eye? “I’m sorry for breaking up your family, son. But I had to leave for this other woman with this other child”. He wouldn’t leave Jon. He would still be his son, he would take care of him, be a dad to him, just as he always had. He just wouldn’t be together with his mother.

But on the other hand, was it really fair for anyone to stay in that marriage and pretend? Put up a show with them, only to later go to Catelyn and quit with the pretending? That wasn’t fair to anyone. In the end it would just be bad for everyone. Especially for Ashara. He couldn’t do that to her, she was a fantastic person and she definitely deserved better than a cheating husband. It was better to just do it. Get a divorce before it got too messy.

“If we go through with this Ashara won’t be my wife anymore. I can’t live my life with her and see you in secret when what I want is to be with you. I can’t do that to her.”

“I want you to know that I’m not demanding you to do anything. It’s fine, really. I can take care of this on my own. No one has to know it’s yours. You can live your life with your family and forget about me and this baby. No one knows Robb is yours, I can do it again.”

“Catelyn. No. I know you’re not demanding anything. This is what I– wait what?”

~*~

Damnit. Her tongue had slipped, she had not meant to say that. And for half a second Catelyn had believed that it was fine, that he had not heard that part, but then he had stopped mid sentence when realization hit him. She had lived with it for so long. And she had lived without consequences for so long. But they would come. In seconds they would come for her, chew her up and spit her out. He would probably not divorce his wife after that. He would never want to see her again.

“Could you repeat that?”

She really wished not to. And she could tell by the tone in his voice that he had heard exactly what she had said.

“I think you heard me” she said, her voice barely even a whisper.

She was such an idiot. Everything would be ruined, and she only had herself to blame.

“And is it true?”

There was no point in lying, he would see right through her. She had said it out loud. She had fucking said it. And nothing she did would be able to make it unsaid.

She looked down at her hands, then up at him again. She couldn’t see all of him in the dark, but she could see that he was still and quiet, waiting for an answer. He was probably furious. And he had all rights to be.

“I was pregnant when we broke up. And by the time I found out you had already moved to a different city. I didn’t want to bother you, force anything upon you, so I didn’t contact you. And when you came back I heard through rumors that you had a girlfriend. And I couldn’t bring myself to ruin that for you with a son you never even wanted.”

No answer came. Yes, he was furious. He hated her. She could tell by the silence.

Catelyn felt the panic pulse through her body. It was eating her up. She wanted to cry, she wanted to beg for his forgiveness. But she couldn’t. She could only tell him the truth and let him do whatever he wanted with it.

“How could keep that from me?” he said, his voice barely controlled. “How could you keep my son a secret? Damnit, Catelyn! I could have been a father to him if you had given me the chance.”

“I didn’t know you wanted children. And I knew for sure you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I wanted everything with you. I wanted five children, and a big house and a happy life with you. But we didn’t work for just this fucking reason. Never telling each other the entire truth. We could have had it though. But we didn’t. Because you took my son from me.”

That actually made her angry. How dared he?

“I didn’t take anything from you! Robb is my son! He has no father! Don’t come here and pretend that I took something from you when it was never even yours to begin with! And don’t you dare say that it was my fault we aren’t married with five kids and a house, because you know damn well that it was you fault too! Don’t pretend that I was the only one making mistake after mistake, because you did it too!”

“Are you out of your mind? I’m his father, he is my son! I had a right to know! And you cannot compare anything I did to keeping a child a secret!”

“You didn’t have a right to anything! You moved to a different city, we broke up and you left everything that had to do with me! Including him! And everything you did is the reson to why I never told you!”

“How could you do that to him? Leave him without a father?”

“Are you really going there? Are you really going to tell me that I have in some way wronged my son? He never needed a father, he has me! I’m his parent and I’ve done very well without you! And I’m starting to believe that keeping him from you was the right thing to do!”

She had not been aware of that she stood up, but suddenly she was. He was standing as well.

“Are you telling me that you think I’m an incompetent father?”

“I don’t know. I’m not perfect, but I don’t think you win any father of the year awards when you leave your kid in the middle of the night to go to your mistress!”

That one actually hurt him. She could see that she had hit a bit too close. But she couldn’t bring herself to care. She wanted it to burn.

“Did you want to keep this one a secret too?”

The accusing tone in his voice made her want to shout even louder. He was such an idiot. Why did she love him? Did she even love him? It didn’t feel that way.

“Are you fucking stupid? I told you about it! Or did you miss that part?”

“Well, I will be here for this child at least, because you were nice enough to actually tell me this time. But know damn well that I won’t leave Ashara for you.”

“Oh don’t you dare set your foot here another time. You’re not welcome.”

She didn’t want to see him ever again. And she definitely didn’t need his help with anything, she was a perfectly capable mother on her own.

And with that he left. She fell back in her armchair when she heard the door slam shut. She couldn’t breathe. It was like a pressure over her chest, threatening to suffocate her. She was so stupid. So damn stupid. But so was he. Gods, she hated Ned Stark. She hated him so much that she could feel it burning in her. She wanted to have the baby, but she wished it had not been his.

“Mom?”

For a minute she had forgotten about Robb. They must have woken him with their shouting.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Who was here? And why was he angry with you?”

Catelyn pushed herself up from the armchair and walked over to Robb.

“It doesn’t matter, he won’t come back. Let’s go back to bed.”

She kissed his forehead after she had tucked him in.

“Are you sure?” his little voice asked.

“About what?”

“That he won’t come back. I don’t want him to come back and shout more.”

It must have scared him. It hurt in her heart that they had scared him. He never wanted her son to be afraid. Especially not of her. She wanted him to be happy, carefree. She wanted him away from the adult world and all it’s problems. And she didn’t want him anywhere close Ned again.

“Yes, I’m sure. He won’t come back.”

“Good.”

She stroke his hair.

“I have exciting news for you tomorrow” she said and tried to smile.

It was a bad idea to tell him before she was sure of that she wouldn’t lose it. There was always a high risk of a miscarriage that early, but she wanted him to have something good. He wanted a sibling. And unless something went terribly wrong he would have one. It was no father, she couldn’t get him that. But it was something.

“Really?”

He also smiled then, probably fantasizing about what it was that she would tell him.

“Yes. I’ll tell you when I’m home from work. You’ll love it.”

“Can you tell me now, please?”

Was there anything like the excitement of a child that knew it would be let in on a secret? Catelyn didn’t think so. He would be a great older brother, she was sure of that. They would be a happy little family, just the three of them. It would be fine. She would make sure of that.

“No. It’s a secret until tomorrow. Now sleep, sweetheart, you have school tomorrow.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight.”

She turned off the lamp and left his room, determined of that she would make the best out of the situation. Despite Ned. She could do it perfectly without him, she could make her own damn pancakes.

And she hoped it was a girl. A little sister for Robb. A daughter for her. Yes, it would be very fine with a girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was shorter than the others, and the reason for that is that I felt that this scene deserved a chapter of it's own. I hope it's fine, the next will probably be longer.  
> Thanks for reading <3


	5. Set things right

“You look terrible” Barbrey Dustin said as she sat down next to her.

Barbrey disliked her for some reason she had never really been able to figure out. And it was easy to tell. She had sounded quite gleeful when she stated how terrible Catelyn looked.

“I’m aware” Catelyn said, not looking up from her phone.

Why didn’t Cersei reply when she needed her? She was usually so unnaturally quick to answer any texts or calls, but she seemed to be stubbornly set on not answering. Catelyn just needed to vent to someone, talk to someone. Get out her frustration.  
She had not slept a second that night. It had been very hard with everything that was spinning around in her head. It had not taken long. Only a few minutes. And then she had made sure that child number two would grow up without parents in a relationship as well. In the moment it had felt like he had no right to say what he had said. But afterwards, when she had calmed dow, she had just felt terrible. At least the baby would have a father.

“Well, what happened to you?”

“None of your business, Dustin.”

She really didn’t have patience for Barbrey Dustin in that moment. She had enough on her plate as it was. She needed no more. Sometimes she was ungodly tired of her colleagues.

“There’s no need to be rude, Tully.”

“I’m not rude.”

“You’re not even looking at me.”

Catelyn had never even wanted to talk to her, she had forced a conversation upon her.  
She sighed and looked up at Barbrey.

“Better now?”

“Much.”

_What has happened now, darling?_

Finally!

_Too much. Meet me after work?_

Robb wouldn’t be happy with her coming home later than she had said, but she had to talk to Cersei. He had tried to get her to tell him what it was all morning. She had been up early and made him pancakes, mostly to prove to herself that she could, but also to make him happy. In a way it was a sort of apology for not letting him have a father, but he didn’t know that. And as they ate he had tried to guess what it was. He had not guessed that it was a sibling, but she supposed that was because he didn’t think it was possible.

_I can’t today, I'm with the kids. Tomorrow?_

Of course. Why had she not expected that? With her luck she should have seen it coming. But tomorrow was better than nothing, she supposed.

_Sounds great_

It definitely wasn’t great. It was quite terrible actually. She was supposed to feel happy. She was pregnant, she would have a child. Robb had been the light in her life for so long, and she would have double that light soon. But still everything felt very dark.  
The rest of the day went painstakingly slowly. She taught her classes, did her job. And she wanted to hit every person that smiled at her. How could they smile at her when everything was going so terribly? Of course they didn’t know about it. They had no idea about how she had started a fight with the father of her children and the only person she had ever loved. She was a sad person.  
When she came home she was exhausted, ready to go to bed and sleep away the rest of her life. But Robb was waiting for her in the hallway, smiling so brightly. He was almost bouncing with excitement. And for the first time that day she felt happy. It would be fine. It would be. Just Robb’s smile was enough to make her believe that.

“Can you tell me now?” he asked.

“Can I come inside first?” Catelyn said.

He unwillingly backed away and watched silently as she put down her bag and took off her jacket. Her very own little bundle of joy. Soon she would have two of them. And she looked forward to it very much in that moment. She loved her children. Both the one before her and the one she had yet to meet.

“Go to the living room, I will be with you in a moment” she told him. “I promise.”

He sighed very dramatically and made his way to the living room.  
She looked after him. He looked so much like her. There was almost no trace of Ned in him. He had her hair, her eyes, her face. Maybe Ned would become more apparent when he got older. She hoped not. It was a lot easier that way. And she hoped she would have the same luck with the baby. She hoped the baby would look like her too.  
But before she talked to Robb she had to get some coffee. She had decided that she would try to lower her caffeine intake significantly for the sake of the baby. But her body was screaming in protest. And her head screamed the loudest. She had not had coffee for breakfast and she had not had coffee during any of her breaks. Which meant a headache straight from the seven hells. Her colleagues had probably suspected something was wrong when she had not been seen with a mug of coffee at all that day. She had come to the realization that she drank a lot of coffee. But one cup couldn’t hurt. She needed that.  
So it was a huge relief when she finally got her coffee. Everything immediately felt a lot better. And then she went out to Robb, who waited impatiently in the living room.

“That took forever!” he whined.

She sat down and sipped her coffee.

“I’m sorry.”

“Can you tell me now?”

“Okay, but first you need to promise me that you won’t tell anyone until I say you can” she said. “Can you do that for me?”

Catelyn really didn’t want it to spread too far before she got things under control. And losing it would be even harder if everyone already knew.

“Yes, I promise!”

“Pinky promise!”

He did that and then he looked at her expectantly.

“Do you remember what we talked about a few weeks back?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“That day when you were at the aquarium with Uncle Edmure?”

He nodded.

“The day after, when you were going to bed, we talked about something. Can you remember what it was?”

Robb’s face lit up.

“Did you ask Ned to be your boyfriend?” he asked.

She had to keep herself from crying. All he wished for was a dad. And he had been so close to having one without even knowing if. Had she not said it he would have had a dad. Ned would have came to them. But then they had got into a fight instead and there had been no dad for Robb. She had ruined that for him. She had told Ned that Robb was fine without a father. But clearly he didn’t think so. Why had she done what she did? Why could she never make the right decision?

“No. It’s not that, but it’s close” she said, pulling herself together.

Robb frowned for a moment.

“Then I don’t know.”

She took a deep breath.

“You will have a sibling, Robb. I’m pregnant.”

At first he looked at her like he could comprehend what she had said. But then his face lit up once more. She didn’t believe she had ever seen a happier person. His smile. Oh gods, his smile. It could have made even the saddest of people happy. It really did put the stars to shame.  
She just had time to put down her mug before he launched himself at her and hugged her tightly. With a laugh she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back. Her son, her wonderful boy.

“You’re the best mom in the world!” he said. “Is it a sister? Please say it’s a sister!”

“I don’t know yet, sweetheart. It’s way too early to tell.”

“Okay. But when you know will you tell me?” he asked seriously.

“Of course. I will tell you everything as soon as I know.”

He wriggled out of her embrace and looked at her skeptically.

“But you said you needed a boyfriend to have a baby. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No. But I think we’ll be fine just the three of us.”

“I’ll help you with the baby, I promise.”

She didn’t deserve him. She really didn’t.

~*~

His blood boiled just from thinking about it. What exactly had given her the idea that it would just be fine to keep him from knowing about their child? Their son. That boy, Robb, was his son. And he had not known it. She had raised their son without him. What had he done to her that made her decide that they were better off without him? And then she had the nerve to get upset because he was angry about it. Of course he was angry about it!

“Ned? Where did you go?”

His sister looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“If I tell you something, will you promise that you won’t tell Ashara?” he asked.

He needed to talk about it with someone that could assure him of that he wasn’t being unreasonable. What if he was unreasonable? What if she was right? No, that wasn’t possible. She had no right to do that. He wondered what had been going on in her head that lead her to doing what she had done.

“Why would I tell Ashara anything?” Lyanna said. “I haven’t spoken to her since your wedding.”

“Because if you were a good person you would tell her.”

“If you want to talk to a good person you should go to Benjen.”

Benjen would have gotten Ashara on the phone in about half a second. Ned loved his little brother, but that man really couldn’t stand doing something morally questionable.

“Is that a promise of that you won’t tell Ashara?”

He had to be sure. He really had to be sure. He didn’t want Ashara to hear it from someone else. He needed to talk to her himself. Because he would not leave Catelyn to take care of that child alone. No matter what she said. He wouldn’t go into a relationship with her, he would never forgive her, but he would be damned if they didn’t share custody. The baby was his, no matter if she wanted it to be or not.

“Yeah, can you tell me now?”

“Well, first of all, I’m aware of that what I have done is not good. And I’m a bad person–“

“I get it, you’re terrible, now get on with it!”

Lyanna was always so supportive.

“Okay, I have been seeing someone outside of my marriage.”

That made his sister laugh. And he immediately felt regret over that he had said anything. What had he honestly expected? It was Lyanna, he should have known.

“I knew it would happen” she said. “It’s Cat, isn’t it?”

“How did you know?”

“She’s the only one you would break your wedding vows for. The only one you would be too impatient to get a divorce before seeing. How long has it been going on?”

Ned Stark was apparently a lot more predictable than he had realized.

“Six weeks, I think. Or, well, we saw each other a couple of times during one week and then I heard from her again last night. And that’s where the main problem began.”

“Do tell.”

“She called me and was very upset about something. So I went to her, and I found out that she’s pregnant. And she told me that she wanted to keep it, and I wanted that too. And then out of nowhere she told me that her son, Robb, is mine.”

She had kept that secret for ten years. But he felt that he had a right to tell his sister about his son. That he apparently had.

“I thought that was an open secret” Lyanna said.

“What?”

“I thought you knew. I mean, many have figured it out. She had a baby not even nine months after you broke up and refused to talk about the baby’s father. It was quite obviously you. Still a dick move to not tell you about it though, you have every right to be pissed.”

That was a very mild way of putting it. It wasn’t like she had kept a small secret. It was a child, for gods’ sake! And he had been in that apartment, he had looked at that child, unknowing of that it was his son. He supposed the boy didn’t know anything either. The poor child.

“I just don’t understand why. What did I do that made her feel so bad that she wanted to keep our son from me?”

“You left her, Ned. You were the one who broke up with her. And then you moved. It doesn’t justify anything, she had absolutely no right to keep your son from you. And you have every right to be angry about it. But in her head it probably sounded like an okay plan. I guess she had seen the breakup coming because even I know that you fought a lot and rarely agreed on things, but suddenly just ditching her was probably not what she had expected.”

He wished he could have read her mind, just to get a bit of understanding. At the moment he didn’t understand anything at all, he just felt angry. What Lyanna said sounded reasonable, but it still didn't feel right. He had broken up with Catelyn because that had been the best thing to do for both pf them. He had loved Catelyn, but it wouldn't have worked in the long run.

For a moment he had been happy about that they would have a child together after so many years. And then he found out that she had done that to him.

“She got angry at me when I questioned it” he said. “We got into a fight. And it ended with that she told me that I am no longer welcome in her home.”

She had also said that he was a bad father. That had almost been the worst. She had no say in that when she had kept her son’s father a secret. She was such a hypocrite.

“Defense mechanism” Lyanna chuckled. “I do the same. It feels good to shift the blame when you know that you have fucked up. Anyways, what are you gonna do?”

“I will be there for my child. Robb might technically be mine, but I will never be his father. It has been too long. Catelyn said it, he has no father, and I won’t try to be something I’m not. But the baby. I will be a father for the baby. No matter if Catelyn likes it or not, this is our child, we’ll do this together.”

He would have to cooperate for the sake of the baby. Their baby. He caught himself wishing that it would look like Catelyn. She was a beautiful woman, despite everything, the baby would be lucky to have her looks.

“And what are you gonna do with your wife?”

“Divorce. Catelyn might be a mess of a woman and I don’t think I have ever been angrier at anyone ever, but she made me realize that I can’t stay in this marriage” he said. “Ashara is fantastic, but I can’t stay with her. It’s not the right thing to do.”

Lyanna smiled.

“Look at you making reasonable decisions.”

“Look at me making reasonable decisions. I will talk to Catelyn soon. When she has calmed down a bit.”

He was also angry, but he would never forgive her so drawing it out was only unnecessary. It was better to have it done quickly. The only thing he worried about was that making reasonable decisions would probably be a lot harder when he saw her again. How was he supposed to look that woman in the eye and come to an agreement about how they would do with the baby after what she had said and done?

“Good. Just to make it clear though, your wife has every right to kick your ass. You’ve been a shitty husband recently.”

“I’m aware.”

“And don’t fall into bed with Catelyn again.”

There wasn’t even a small chance of that because just thinking of her made him so angry that he didn’t know what to do.

“There’s no risk.”

“Well, I suppose that if you solved your issues there would be no problem with it. So feel free to do it after you have talked it out.”

“Lyanna!”

~*~

“Oh you look like you need some wine” Cersei said once they had sat down in her kitchen.

She did look like she needed some wine. Unfortunately alcohol brought along the risk of something being wrong with her baby. And she did want her baby to be healthy.

“First of all, it’s a week day, and drinking during week days is heavily frowned upon. Second of all, I can’t drink.”

“Are you pregnant or something?” Cersei scoffed.

It was just a joke, Cersei didn’t at all think that she was pregnant. That was what she always said when Catelyn denied a drink. But the look on her face when Catelyn just got quiet and looked at her was shocked to say the least.

“Wait, are you really pregnant?”

“Yes” Catelyn sighed. “I’m pregnant.”

"With a baby?"

"What else would it be? Of course it's a baby!"

“So are we happy about it or not?”

Excellent question. She was happy about it, couldn’t wait to have another baby. But she had made some not very great decisions and had therefore managed to get into a fight with the father. She had thought of it even more and had come to the conclusion that she was terrible. She had said terrible things and done terrible things. He would never forgive her. She couldn’t even ask it of him. If it had been the other way around and he had asked her to forgive him she probably would have committed a murder.

“We’re happy about the baby. It’s the rest that we’re not very happy about.”

“Congratulations! Okay, so tell me about the rest and why we are not very happy about it.”

“Well, I don’t think I need to tell you who the father is.”

“The same as last time, how fun” Cersei smiled.

“Yes, it’s– wait, I’ve never told you who Robb’s father is.”

Cersei laughed and shook her head.  
It made Catelyn very nervous. She had not told anyone. Only Ned. How did Cersei know? Had Ned actually told people? And it had spread? Oh no. Oh fuck.

“You didn’t need to, it was obvious. Were you not aware of what an open secret this is?”

An open secret? Apparently she had not been as discreet as she thought she had been. She didn’t appreciate the thought of that everyone knew though. Not at all.

“I wasn’t. And neither was he.”

“Oohhh, did you tell him?”

“I didn’t mean to” Catelyn said. “I was just going to tell him about the baby. And then he started talking about leaving his wife and I panicked and told him too much.”

“So your baby daddy is angry at you?”

“He was angry. And then I got angry back, because once more, I panicked, and in the heat of the moment I said some absolutely terrible things. So he’s not angry, he’s furious and he hates me.”

The look on Cersei’s face was one Catelyn had never seen before and that made her worried. It was bad, in other words. Very bad. If even Cersei disapproved of it, it was very very very bad.

“Yeah, that’s not great.”

Talking about it didn’t make it feel better. It only felt worse. She hated herself a bit. Why had she decided that throwing more fuel on the fire was a great idea? Why had she decided to hurt him more? She didn’t want him to hurt. She wanted him to be happy. So why had she acted like a petty child?

“I don’t even know what I was doing. I had no reason to get upset, he had every right to be angry with me. But for some reason I couldn’t handle that he told me that what I did was wrong. Even though I knew it was wrong, and I regretted it very much.”

“Might I ask about what you said to him?”

She felt herself blushing and looked down at the table. It had been terrible enough the first time, she really had no wish to repeat it.

“He accused me of having hurt my son by denying him a father, and I responded with that maybe Robb was better off that way. And he asked if I meant that he was a bad father. And I told him that maybe I thought he was.”

Cersei actually frowned when she looked up again. Yeah, she was screwed.

“That probably did some damage” she said slowly.

That was absolutely one way of putting it. Catelyn was ready to cry. She wished everything would just disappear. All she wanted was for her baby to have a stable family. A safe home where he or she could be happy.  
Cersei reached over the table and laid a hand on top of one of Catelyn’s.

“Are you sure of that having this baby is a good idea?” she asked and she sounded genuinely worried. “You’re not old, this is not your last chance.”

“Yes, I’m sure. I have a little less than eight months to try to patch things up with Ned enough to cooperate with the parenting thing.”

They would be no more than parents to the same child. She had made sure of that, even though it had not been intentional. And that was fine, as long as it worked with the child. She was just happy they would have some sort of contact. And she would have opportunity to try and set things right. Because she would.

“It seems very messy. Maybe a child is not really the thing you need right now. I will support you no matter what you choose to do, of course, but I want you to really think it through. When we talked about it a while back it sounded like what you wanted was a partner to have it all with.”

Or a child was exactly what she needed.

“I have thought it through. I want it. And Robb is already picking out names.”

They would work it out. They would never be what they had been before, but they could probably manage to take care of the baby. That she was sure of. Even though she wasn't sure of much else.

“Then I’m happy for you.”

The smile was back on Cersei’s face.

“Thank you.”

“Do you know what names Robb is thinking of?”

He had already decided on what it would be named if it was a girl. Sansa. And she had promised that she would make sure of that Ned was aware of that there would be no debate surrounding the name. If it was a girl her name would be Sansa. He was still deciding on what it would be named if it was a boy though. But he would pick that name too. There would be no debate about that either.

“Sansa, if it’s a girl.”

“Sansa” Cersei repeated. “It’s cute.”

“It is, I like it a lot” Catelyn agreed. “I think that’s what it will be.”

“Are you hoping for a girl?”

“Yes. It doesn't really matter, but Robb really wants a little sister.”

A little sister, a daughter. Sansa.

~*~

It would have been better if she had been angry when he told her that he wanted to divorce. He wouldn’t have felt quite as terrible about it if she hadn’t been accepting. She was accepting. She actually just sighed. There was nothing more about it. It only took them a few very undramatic minutes of conversation to come to the agreement that their marriage was over.  
Ned couldn’t really put words to how he felt. It wasn’t quite relief. But in a way it was. They had had some good years together, but he wasn’t sad about that it was over. And Ashara didn’t seem to be that upset either. But of course he had not told her about the rest of it. Because that would probably upset her.

“Well, there is nothing I can do. I’m just glad you told me before it got bad.”

It wasn’t bad. It probably never would have become bad. But at the same time they couldn’t continue. It didn’t feel right at all.

“I wish you everything good in the world, Ashara. “But I can’t give you that. So I think it’s better if we end this here.”

She looked at him and if felt like she was seeing right through him. That just by looking at him she could see everything he had done. Or maybe it just seemed that way because he was well aware of all the ways he had wronged her.

“There’s something you haven’t told me” she stated.

“Yes, there is” he confirmed. “And I want you to know that I won’t ask you to forgive me for it, because it is unforgivable.”

“It’s that red headed lady from a while back, isn’t it?” she asked. “What was her name again?”

The complete lack of anger in her voice startled him. There wasn’t any emotion at all in her voice. Just acceptance. Why couldn’t she be angry with him? It would have been easier if she had been angry with him. But she wasn’t. She seemed to handle it perfectly. She was perfect. And still he had let her down. She did deserve a lot better.

“Catelyn. Her name is Catelyn.”

Ashara shook her head and smiled. It wasn’t a smile of happiness, it was a smile filled with frustration. She was angry. That was just her way of being angry. Her rage was a calm one. A silent one. But it was just as dangerous as Catelyn’s storm.

“I should have known. The moment you looked at her I should have known.”

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

“You’re an ass” she said. “I wish I could kick you out of the house right now. But I won’t, for Jon’s sake. I hope you’re happy with her though, so that this wasn’t all for nothing.”

She would definitely kick him out once he was finished. Because, gods, there was more. There was the baby. As if just cheating wasn’t bad enough. He had always believed himself to be a decent person, in the last weeks he had proven that he was a bad person and an even worse husband.

“I’m not leaving you for her, there won’t be anything between us. And I’m not done yet.”

“Are there more than her? Are you not leaving me for her, but for someone else?”

“Not like that.”

“And what exactly does that mean?”

Telling her about Robb was unnecessary. That had nothing to do with it. But she would get to hear about the baby sooner or later anyway, and it was better that she heard it from him there and then. So that she could be spared from it later.

“Catelyn is pregnant. And she wants to have the baby.”

“You got her knocked up? You better take care of that child. I hate her, but if you cheat on me and then leave her alone in the mess you helped create I’ll have no choice but to kick your ass.”

He did deserve that. Very much. But he would take care of the child. It was his child just as much as Jon was.

“I will ” he said.

“Good” Ashara sighed. “At least you have some sort of redeeming feature. Gods, I wish murder was legal.”

“I don’t think anyone would blame you if you did it.”

“Probably not. So now I will take a walk to calm down a bit so that I can be sure of that I won’t kill you in your sleep. We can talk more tomorrow.”

“You do that.”

~*~

“Dad will disinherit you” was what Edmure had to say about it.

Catelyn snorted.

“I’m pretty sure he disinherited me after Robb, so there’s no need to worry about that. And I think Mom will advocate for actually letting me inherit at least something.”

Her father had not been very happy about that she would have a son even though she hadn’t been in a relationship. He had tried to bribe her into telling him who the father was and failed. But from the way he liked to spoil Robb rotten it wasn’t easy to tell his disdain for her son’s status as a bastard. Her mother had not been too hard about it though, she had actually been very supportive.

“I find it very funny that his golden child ended up being such a disappointment” Edmure chuckled.

“All three of us are disappointments, Ed.”

If anything she was probably the least disappointing of her father’s children. It was hard to believe, but she actually thought that it was true.

“The difference with you is that he had hope for you.”

“I have a finished education. That’s more than you can say.”

“I’m married. Beat that.”

“Yeah, but I have given him a grandchild and if I’m not unlucky there will be one more.”

“Outside of marriage though. Important point.”

Just as she was about to answer that the doorbell rang. She was definitely not expecting anyone so it was probably a friend of Robb’s. But the door to Robb’s room stayed shut so it seemed like he wasn’t expecting anyone either.

“Wait a minute” she told Edmure.

She went to the door, opened it. And almost froze when she saw Ned outside. She had known that he would come, but she had not expected him to come so soon. She had thought that he would take longer after what she had said and done. But there he was.

“What are you doing here?” was all she could get out.

Last time she head seen him she had been so angry that she couldn’t find words for it. But at the moment she just felt ashamed. She couldn't even imagine what he was feeling.

“You’re pregnant with my child and I thought that maybe we should talk about it.”

“Catelyn?” Edmure shouted from the living room. “Who is it?”

She turned back to Ned.

“It’s a bad time right now. Can we take it another day?”

Ned looked at her for a second.

“I would really like to take this now.”

She would have to kick Edmure out, in other words.

“Fine” she sighed.

He came inside and she went back to Edmure.

“You need to leave” she told him.

“Why?”

“Because I have more important things to do.”

That grin that she hated so passionately immediately turned up on his face. Was he aware of how incredibly punchable his face was when he did that?

“Hello, Ned!” he called out.

It took about half a second and then Robb’s door opened and he poked his head out.

“Is Ned here?” he asked excitedly.

“Yes, Ned is here” she said. “But you need to stay in your room.”

“Why?”

“We need to talk alone for a bit. You can come out soon, I promise.”

Edmure laughed as he got up from the couch.

“While he’s at home? You have no shame, do you?”

“Mom, what does he mean?”

Catelyn wanted to sink through the floor. She could feel herself blushing. If it was with embarrassment or with anger at Edmure she didn’t know. It was probably a bit of both.  
She had not told Edmure about the fight, therefore his... reaction. She still wanted to murder him though.

“Edmure, please, for gods’ sake” she said. “Just leave.”

He had come there to pick up a scarf that Roslin had forgotten when they had dinner there a week earlier. But of course he had stayed longer than necessary because that’s what he very often did. He just never left.

“But what did he mean?” Robb asked again.

“I meant nothing, Robb” Edmure said. “Now listen to your mother.”

That clearly didn’t satisfy Robb, but he accepted it anyway. And for that Catelyn was very thankful.

“Fine. Bye, Uncle Edmure!”

“Bye, Robb.”

And then Robb closed the door again. Edmure exchanged a few words with Ned as he left, but she couldn’t hear what it was. Probably unnecessary nonsense if Catelyn knew her brother. He was full of unnecessary nonsense.

“Why did you so desperately need to talk about this now?” she asked when Ned came into the living room.

It was very annoying that he thought that he had a right to come to her home and demand her time. Not that she had been doing anything important, but still.

“I was afraid of that if I didn't do it now I wouldn’t be able to bring myself back anytime soon.”

“And why is that?”

“Just looking at you is hard.”

She had to bite her tongue in order to hold back the ten different stupid responses that immediately popped up in her head. She had spent way too much time with Edmure.

“I understand. And I’m sorry.”

“Are you really?” he asked.

“I am. I know that it won’t make anything better, but I am sorry. Very sorry.”

It was true. She was sorry. She shouldn’t have acted the way she did and she was aware of it. But no apology in the world would make up for it. Unfortunately.

“That’s always something” Ned said dryly.

She sat in an armchair, but he seemed determined to stay on his feet.

“Have you spoken to Ashara?” she asked.

“Yes. She’s planning murder.”

“As she should.”

“As she should” he repeated. “But it’s decided. We are going to divorce.”

“Good for her.”

Catelyn knew absolutely nothing about that woman, but everyone deserved better than what Ned had given her. She was also officially a home wrecker. Maybe Edmure had a point in saying that she was a disappointment.

“I guess you will want the baby with you the first months” Ned began.

“There will be no discussion about that” she confirmed. “You can come visit, but she’ll live with me.”

“That’s reasonable. Should we take a week each after that?”

She wished it could have been some other way. She wished she could have had her daughter with her always. But Ned was also her parent. And he also had a right to see her and take care of her.

“I’ll have to agree to that.”

Catelyn really didn’t like the feeling of that they were in some sort of business meeting. Negotiating terms for an important affair. In a way that was what they were doing, she supposed. And it was very important. But she didn’t like the formality. And she didn’t look forward to taking care of an infant child on her own again. She was perfectly capable of doing it, but that didn’t mean that she would like it. She would have to though, unless...

“But what if we did something completely different?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” Ned asked, sounding very suspicious.

Well, he had every right to be. He could shoot it down if he thought it was a bad idea. He probably would think it was a bad idea. He wouldn't want to be closer to her than necessary. But she could at least put forward a suggestion, there was no rule against that. 

“I know you hate my guts, but what if we lived together purely for the sake of helping each other with her?” she said, beginning to realize just how crazy he though she was. “Hear me out, I’ve done the whole taking care of a small child alone thing, and it’s extremely draining. Maybe it’s good to be two.”

“Purely for the sake of the baby?” Ned asked, and he seemed to actually consider it.

Maybe it hadn’t been a terrible idea, after all.

“Yes. Nothing else. Just to make it easier.”

Robb would love that. Living with Ned. It wouldn’t matter to him that Ned wasn’t her boyfriend, as long as he could have a dad. Ned probably wouldn’t object to that. And it would give the baby a more stable home the first years or so. It would be good for her.

“Will you give me some time to consider?”

“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

“I suppose it’s too early to talk about the rest.”

“A bit, yeah. But at least we have a few things clear. I’m sure that by the time we can meet her we’ll have it all fixed.”

“You keep saying ‘her’ and ‘she’, we don’t know if it’s a girl yet” Ned said.

“No” she said and smiled. “But Robb and I are hoping for a girl. He has already picked a name. You’ll have no say in that.”

Ned snorted and she thought that she could see the hint of a smile in his eyes. That was always a step forward. At least he didn’t look at her with burning hatred anymore. She didn’t dare to hope for much, but maybe the future was a bit brighter, after all.

“Can I know what that name is?” he asked.

“Sansa.”

“Sansa” he said. “I like it.”

“Good. Because that will be your daughter’s name.”

“And if it’s a boy?” he asked.

Robb had wanted to pick that name too, but they had to think of the rest of thier dysfunctional little family.

“I might be able to convince Robb to let Jon pick the name if it’s a boy.”

“I’m sure Jon would be very happy to do that.”

“How has he taken it?”

She had not thought much of Jon, but she did then. And she pitied the boy. She had broken up his parents’ marriage. One day, when he was older, she would have to apologize for that. But maybe a half sibling was a bit of a comfort. Or maybe he hated it. He probably would.

“We haven’t told him yet” Ned said, and suddenly he seemed like he had the weight of the world upon his shoulders. “But he’s too little to understand more than that Ashara and I will split. It will make him upset, but it will probably get even worse when he’s older and actually understands.”

“He’ll hate me” she said.

She didn’t feel particularly sad about it, she had no relation at all to that child. But he would also have to stand out with her, because she would be the mother of his half sibling. The poor boy. She had not really reflected upon what her relationship with Ned had done to others. But she understood more and more with every passing day. And she had realized that she had been a happier person before.

“Maybe. He’ll probably hate me too.”

“I suppose it’s only what we deserve.”

“Yes.”

They looked at each other, and Catelyn found that she couldn’t quite turn her eyes away. They did deserve it. They deserved to face what they had created with their own questionable decisions. But at least they would face it together. As it was supposed to be. She did love him. But he hated her. And that was torture, but she would have to live with it.  
Both of them jumped when Robb threw open the door to his room and came out.

“Is he Sansa’s dad?” he asked.

Once more he was at it with not saying hello and instead jumping immediately to the questions. And he had already started referring to the baby by the name he had picked. He thought that it was more likely to be a Sansa if he called it Sansa.

“I am” Ned responded and he did have patience enough to smile at him.

“Cool!” Robb said. “Can you be my dad too?”

He just had no limits.

“Would you like that?” Ned asked surprised.

Catelyn could see exactly how much was running through his head in that moment. Did he want to be a dad to Robb? He had sounded like he wanted it. But maybe that had just been the heat of the moment.

“Yeah, I’ve never known my dad, but I think it would be fun to have one.”

Catelyn could just watch it happen, she didn’t really know what to do. She couldn’t interfere. And she really was hoping for that Ned would agree to her suggestion about living together.

“And you can take care of my mom. I think she’s a bit lonely.”

“I think your mom can take care of herself” Ned chuckled. “She’s tough.”

“Thank you for that” Catelyn sighed.

“You know, Robb. We’ll live together soon. You, I, your mom, Sansa, and every other week, my son Jon.”

She looked at him, couldn’t hold back a smile.

“Does that mean you agree with what I said?” she asked.

“As you said, it’s easier to make it work that way.”

“So I will have two siblings and a dad?” Robb asked and Catelyn was pretty sure of that he had never been happier.

He looked like he could have burst with happiness. Her little bundle of joy. She loved him so much.

“I suppose you could put it that way” Ned said.

He seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by Robb’s reaction. She didn’t blame him. Many were a bit overwhelmed by Robb. But he was also very lovable. She had never met someone who didn’t like him.  
Robb almost knocked her over with his hug.

“Thank you, Mom!”

“Oh my dear boy.”

She was close to tears at that point. She was quite often close to tears. She blamed hormones.  
Once Robb had let her go and bounced back into his room she followed Ned back to the hall.

"Don't think I've forgiven you" he said and looked at her with something she could only descibe as some sort of disdain. "Because I haven't. It's purely for the kids."

She had not thought it to be anything other than that. But hearing it from him still hurt a bit. She could admit that much to herself.

“Would you like to talk about it?” she asked.

“No” he responded. “Not right now. There’s enough as it is.”

He was right. They would probably just fight again. It was still too fresh. And they could really do without another fight. For the sake of the kids. They would have time later. If he wanted to.

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you soon, then.”

“Yes.”

“Goodbye, Cat.”

Knowing that it wasn’t their last goodbye, that they would see each other often, made her more hopeful about the future. They had fucked up lots and lots of things. But maybe they could attempt to set some of them right. And, he was back to calling her Cat. Yeah, maybe things would be alright.

“Bye.”

~*~

Having a dad was every bit as fun as Robb had imagined it would be. He liked Ned very much. Sometimes he got a bit distant though, Mom said he just was that way and there was no reason to worry. Because Robb had almost thought that Ned didn’t like him. And that would have been quite terrible.  
His little sister was not as fun, she mostly ate and slept and screamed. She screamed really much. But she was quite cute, and she had the same hair and eye color as Robb. And they had named her Sansa, like he had wanted. So she was okay. Sometimes he helped Mom with her and that was actually a bit of fun.  
His new brother was okay as well. He was very shy though and he rarely wanted to play with Robb. And that was really boring. And for some reason he didn’t seem to like Mom that much. Robb couldn’t understand why. Mom said it was because Jon had a different mom than him and was sad his mom and dad didn’t live together anymore, so Robb should not be so hard on him. He wasn’t hard on Jon, he just wanted to play. But he was a bit younger than Robb, maybe he woukd be more fun when he got older. Robb hoped so.  
And for some reason Mom and Ned were not together. They lived together, but they had different bedrooms and they didn’t act like a couple. It was very weird. Robb had thought that they would be together since they had Sansa, but they were not. They seemed to like each other though. He had tried to ask Mom why she was not together with Ned, but she had just told him that it was hard to explain. He didn’t like it when she got all adulty and told him things were complicated and hard to explain. It just seemed like an excuse. Because she did like Ned, he was sure if it. And Uncle Edmure said so too.  
And he would make sure of that they got together. If it so became the last thing he did, he would make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As you might have been able to tell, I'm planning a sequel for this fic. I don't know when it will come though, but it shouldn't take too long. Watch me posting it in three years just because I said this. 
> 
> I'm also on tumblr where I'm @loverofnedandcat. There I post and reblog almost exclusively NedCat related content. So if you think that's fun and want to see more of my stuff you should check that out!

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don’t know what this is, but it sure is something. 
> 
> The Ashara mentioned as Ned’s wife is Ashara Dayne, their son is the Jon Snow, Cat’s boy is Robb. The rest of the starklings are not present, but who knows about the future? I’m also not saying that Ned is right in cheating on his wife or that Cat is right in participating in it, that’s very much a dick move, I’m just exploring the scenario.


End file.
